Nicky
There are many ways to know someone. Through the television. In a dream. Passing in traffic. At work. At play. At the cash register. On the net.
What are the requirements of truth-in-disclosure in each of those venues? Can’t the celebrity host of a TV game show appear in your dreams as a welcomed sex-crazed intruder in your bedroom? Can’t the man who cruises you while passing in his truck be the husband of your secretary? Can’t the guy who makes change at the convenience store be the boy kept by the real estate developer one floor above you? Yes they can.
And the bloggers with whom we spend so much of our day and whose words entertain or inform or irk us? Can’t they be something other than what they present? They certainly can. They sometimes are. And, they have every right to be.
There is among the New York bloggers an unspoken acid test regarding blogger-identity. Until we have actually inspected each other in the flesh, until we have actually spent time in each other’s presence, the supposition is that we are fictions, some better drawn than others. I laughed when Aaron and Joe told me that before they actually met me they suspected that I was really a glittering and obese old queen/retired hairdresser who lived in a stuffy little apartment full of faux French provincial furniture, Japanese fans, lap dogs and theater memorabilia. (OK, so they nailed it, except for the fans.)
The blogger “Nicky” of the defunct “Cooper’s Corridor” and more recently of “Nico’s Niche”, is not who so many of us thought he was. He is not a handsome young fellow raising two beautiful young boys as a single gay father who works as a fire-fighter.
(Before you find out the real story, there are some other matters on the blotter that need dispatching.)
The road to this unveiling is not a simple one, and I would ask your patience with the tracing of it. There is a separate issue that will arouse in you some strong angers that I think ought to be dealt with distinctly even though they are part of the mindset that led to the creation and demise of “Nicky”.
The lady who writes the blog “Sweetsalty” discovered that Nicky was lifting a surprising amount of her work and passing it off as his own. Other bloggers had similar experiences. The lady blogger contacted Joe to set the record straight about why Nicky had taken down his first blog. On the day that Joe posted about “gay fathers”, the lady blogger had emailed Nicky asking him to stop stealing her photos and words. She never got a reply, but within hours, Nicky took “Cooper’s Corridor” down, claiming that commenters from Joe’s blog were upsetting him. Joe made a public apology to Nicky after many readers expressed dismay that such a wonderful guy would be victimized by mean-spirited commenters.
Privately, the lady blogger set the record straight with Joe who informed me about it, knowing that I had a rather deep internet-only connection with Nicky.
Believing that sometimes the highest form of diplomacy is to speak plainly, I wrote to Nicky about the accusations of plagiarism. His response contained some falsehoods and his reaction to the lady blogger’s post about the subject was to take down the photo of her husband. But this was too little and too late. The readers of the lady blogger found numerous instances of plagiarism. I privately expressed my disappointment to Nicky and as the firestorm raged, I wrote to him saying that he would have to fold his tent, and that he ought to privately apologize to the lady blogger. These things he did.
A day later, filled with curiosity about why anyone would do what Nicky had done, and still puzzled about the way some of the pieces just didn’t fit, I sent Nicky an email asking him a simple question: “Why?” I never really expected to get an answer, but I did. This what he wrote:
Tony,
This is the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life … to write this all down, but I owe you the whole truth. This is the truth.
For as long as I can remember I have lived a secret. Inside my female body, even as a small child, I felt like I was a boy. My rich inner-life began around the same time I discovered that tentatively voicing that knowledge caused censure and ridicule. I created Nicky when I was six years old. He has grown with me ….within me …part of my soul and heart, the hidden fabric of my being. In my teens the confusion grew as I began to realise that not only was I the wrong gender, I was a boy attracted to boys. I told no one, believing that there was no one like me in this world, and that I was bad, wicked, and completely unlovable. I felt small, barely significant, nothing.
Nicky grew out of sorrow and hope. I created him, bit by bit, over many years, creating the lost pieces of myself into the man I wanted to be, the man I was inside. He became so very real …co-existing within me on a minutely daily, detailed basis. I know Nicky as well as I know anything in this world, because he is the bigger part of my soul.
My outer life bore very little relation to my inner one. I married at 19 to escape a rigidly Catholic household which was increasingly adding to my sense of guilt and shame. I had two sons and a daughter and raised them with my husband, who is a good man. Nicky continued to keep my sanity, as I wrote daily of that part of myself in my journal. He became the purest form of me … the sacred part … the part I could never outwardly manifest. Nicky is the part of me where I feel the most alive. Although, I am 52, I have never allowed him to grow older than twenty-six. I am not sure why this would be other than his youth has never been fulfilled.
A few years ago, the yearning for a more real connection to gay men, like me (and yet, so unlike me), became a pressing weight. I had a nervous breakdown. One day I stumbled upon a blog written by a gay man. One lead to another, and I read, fascinated, feeling a connection I had never had in my life. For the first year, I only read, but then I started commenting …very tentatively. It was the most natural thing in the world to use my Nicky voice. It was the first time I had ever done this, and it felt so good. I started feeling more whole, less fragmented.
I should have just left it at that, and then none of this incredible pain would have happened. But I created Cooper’s Corridor and I became real … at least that was how it seemed at first. I was euphoric. Instead of pouring Nicky into my journal, I was instead doing it on my blog. I didn’t think it would hurt anyone. If I had left it at that, it might have been alright, but I stole some of my writing from another blog during times of stress when my own soul felt empty. Not all of it, but some. There was much writing on both blogs that was solely my own.
Sixteen months ago my husband and I got custody of our two little grandsons. I am their Nana. I incorporated much of their lives into my blog. They are the children of our second son, J. Dario was born when he was 19 and his girlfriend was 16. He has witnessed violence, seen things no child should see, been left without food, and to care for his baby brother alone. He has been forced to be responsible far beyond his years. It has been a very difficult, stressful year … dealing with child services, acquiring custody, creating a home for two very emotionally and physically neglected little boys. They have both blossomed amazingly during the past year.
I was driven by my own needs, my joy, my sense of being loved in a way I never had been … all of it. It was like a drug ... the outpouring of praise and connection ... the sense of belonging. I felt like I was in two separate skins. The lies kept compounding. It was stupid and it was selfish.
There is no apology great enough to cover what I have done. I have been sleepless and sick over this for many times. I had never shared any aspect of this with anyone before, ever. My husband knew nothing about any of it until I told him everything a few days ago. He is in complete shock. I don't know what will happen now between us. We have weathered storms before, but this, I don't know.
You, and others I have connected with have given me something which fed the very source of who I am inside, but I stole it from you. I am deeply ashamed and sorry. I did write Kate an apology early yesterday morning before I realised what she had written on her blog. In it I fully acknowledged what I had done. It was too late, and I don't blame her for her actions. I didn't know about any of it until I came home from work. Kate's response was to send me the link she has sent to every single one of my readers that she could find. Quite frankly, at that moment I felt suicidal. If it wasn't for my little boys, I would have ended my life.
There has been an outpouring of hatred, anger, disgust, threats to go the police ... all of which I've brought onto myself ... and I'm very frightened. A beautiful e-mail I received from Birdie, whom I have never been in contact with before, has helped to give me the courage to trust you with the truth.
XXXXX(Nicky)
I know what you are all thinking. This story might be every bit as fabulous (literal definition) as was the “Nicky” story. It sounds a little fishy. A little too Oprah. I asked its writer for some proof. I received name, address, phone number, work info and scanned photos of birth certificate and ID card. I verified the name (and personal cell phone number) with the hospital where she is employed. I have done everything short of actually speak with “Nicky”. Could this be a case of identity theft? I somehow doubt it. Too easy to trace and verify the information provided. Could this new story be real? Maybe. Could the real "Nicky" be involving this woman in the extension of his charade? Possibly. Because of those possibilities, speaking to the woman who has disclosed her identity to me will do little to change my reserve.
One odd detail came to light when I called 411 to ask about any numbers for persons with the last name she provided. There is someone listed whose name is Nicholas. That means that “Nicky” may not be someone she “created when she was six years old”. The fact is that I don’t at all mind the possibility that even this new persona might not be real because the premise of the imaginary is the newly established foundation to this person, whoever she or he may be. My only uneasiness is that the person in question could certainly benefit from some good counseling and because of that, one cannot really view the whole picture as other than at least mildly disturbing.
Regarding the grave issue of plagiarism, I think we ought to look at it in the context of the perpetrator. “Nicky” got tangled up in the boundaries that separate acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Stealing other people’s work is inexcusable, but when a person does it for reasons other than financial gain (maybe because they are overwhelmed with a desire for a life they do not have), the trespass may be forgivable. I have traded email with the lady blogger involved and she is inclined to forgiveness (while understandably skeptical about the new story).
They say that Jean Genet would often steal small objects from the homes of people he visited. It was his odd little way of wanting to have their lives. Kleptomaniacs who take things they could easily afford to pay for are similar with the added element of wanting to get caught and punished. Maybe “Nicky” also wanted to get caught and punished. We might never know.
I called her cell phone and got a message. I didn’t leave my name or ask for a return call, but she will certainly see a number that is not local.
I am writing this with her permission.
(Update: I got a call from "Nicky". I asked her about the phone listing for "Nicholas". That is her eldest son whom she named after the "Nicky" that lives inside her. There is more to this story that I am not at liberty to reveal because of others involved, but at this point, I am inclined to believe it, and I hope that "Nicky" will find her way home.)
PS: There is one man, a blogger, who can verify, beyond doubt, this story, but I don't think he is ready to come forward, and I will certainly respect his privacy. Meanwhile, I would urge all of you to go swiftly through the steps of anger, betrayal and disgust, all the way to forgiveness.
What are the requirements of truth-in-disclosure in each of those venues? Can’t the celebrity host of a TV game show appear in your dreams as a welcomed sex-crazed intruder in your bedroom? Can’t the man who cruises you while passing in his truck be the husband of your secretary? Can’t the guy who makes change at the convenience store be the boy kept by the real estate developer one floor above you? Yes they can.
And the bloggers with whom we spend so much of our day and whose words entertain or inform or irk us? Can’t they be something other than what they present? They certainly can. They sometimes are. And, they have every right to be.
There is among the New York bloggers an unspoken acid test regarding blogger-identity. Until we have actually inspected each other in the flesh, until we have actually spent time in each other’s presence, the supposition is that we are fictions, some better drawn than others. I laughed when Aaron and Joe told me that before they actually met me they suspected that I was really a glittering and obese old queen/retired hairdresser who lived in a stuffy little apartment full of faux French provincial furniture, Japanese fans, lap dogs and theater memorabilia. (OK, so they nailed it, except for the fans.)
The blogger “Nicky” of the defunct “Cooper’s Corridor” and more recently of “Nico’s Niche”, is not who so many of us thought he was. He is not a handsome young fellow raising two beautiful young boys as a single gay father who works as a fire-fighter.
(Before you find out the real story, there are some other matters on the blotter that need dispatching.)
The road to this unveiling is not a simple one, and I would ask your patience with the tracing of it. There is a separate issue that will arouse in you some strong angers that I think ought to be dealt with distinctly even though they are part of the mindset that led to the creation and demise of “Nicky”.
The lady who writes the blog “Sweetsalty” discovered that Nicky was lifting a surprising amount of her work and passing it off as his own. Other bloggers had similar experiences. The lady blogger contacted Joe to set the record straight about why Nicky had taken down his first blog. On the day that Joe posted about “gay fathers”, the lady blogger had emailed Nicky asking him to stop stealing her photos and words. She never got a reply, but within hours, Nicky took “Cooper’s Corridor” down, claiming that commenters from Joe’s blog were upsetting him. Joe made a public apology to Nicky after many readers expressed dismay that such a wonderful guy would be victimized by mean-spirited commenters.
Privately, the lady blogger set the record straight with Joe who informed me about it, knowing that I had a rather deep internet-only connection with Nicky.
Believing that sometimes the highest form of diplomacy is to speak plainly, I wrote to Nicky about the accusations of plagiarism. His response contained some falsehoods and his reaction to the lady blogger’s post about the subject was to take down the photo of her husband. But this was too little and too late. The readers of the lady blogger found numerous instances of plagiarism. I privately expressed my disappointment to Nicky and as the firestorm raged, I wrote to him saying that he would have to fold his tent, and that he ought to privately apologize to the lady blogger. These things he did.
A day later, filled with curiosity about why anyone would do what Nicky had done, and still puzzled about the way some of the pieces just didn’t fit, I sent Nicky an email asking him a simple question: “Why?” I never really expected to get an answer, but I did. This what he wrote:
Tony,
This is the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life … to write this all down, but I owe you the whole truth. This is the truth.
For as long as I can remember I have lived a secret. Inside my female body, even as a small child, I felt like I was a boy. My rich inner-life began around the same time I discovered that tentatively voicing that knowledge caused censure and ridicule. I created Nicky when I was six years old. He has grown with me ….within me …part of my soul and heart, the hidden fabric of my being. In my teens the confusion grew as I began to realise that not only was I the wrong gender, I was a boy attracted to boys. I told no one, believing that there was no one like me in this world, and that I was bad, wicked, and completely unlovable. I felt small, barely significant, nothing.
Nicky grew out of sorrow and hope. I created him, bit by bit, over many years, creating the lost pieces of myself into the man I wanted to be, the man I was inside. He became so very real …co-existing within me on a minutely daily, detailed basis. I know Nicky as well as I know anything in this world, because he is the bigger part of my soul.
My outer life bore very little relation to my inner one. I married at 19 to escape a rigidly Catholic household which was increasingly adding to my sense of guilt and shame. I had two sons and a daughter and raised them with my husband, who is a good man. Nicky continued to keep my sanity, as I wrote daily of that part of myself in my journal. He became the purest form of me … the sacred part … the part I could never outwardly manifest. Nicky is the part of me where I feel the most alive. Although, I am 52, I have never allowed him to grow older than twenty-six. I am not sure why this would be other than his youth has never been fulfilled.
A few years ago, the yearning for a more real connection to gay men, like me (and yet, so unlike me), became a pressing weight. I had a nervous breakdown. One day I stumbled upon a blog written by a gay man. One lead to another, and I read, fascinated, feeling a connection I had never had in my life. For the first year, I only read, but then I started commenting …very tentatively. It was the most natural thing in the world to use my Nicky voice. It was the first time I had ever done this, and it felt so good. I started feeling more whole, less fragmented.
I should have just left it at that, and then none of this incredible pain would have happened. But I created Cooper’s Corridor and I became real … at least that was how it seemed at first. I was euphoric. Instead of pouring Nicky into my journal, I was instead doing it on my blog. I didn’t think it would hurt anyone. If I had left it at that, it might have been alright, but I stole some of my writing from another blog during times of stress when my own soul felt empty. Not all of it, but some. There was much writing on both blogs that was solely my own.
Sixteen months ago my husband and I got custody of our two little grandsons. I am their Nana. I incorporated much of their lives into my blog. They are the children of our second son, J. Dario was born when he was 19 and his girlfriend was 16. He has witnessed violence, seen things no child should see, been left without food, and to care for his baby brother alone. He has been forced to be responsible far beyond his years. It has been a very difficult, stressful year … dealing with child services, acquiring custody, creating a home for two very emotionally and physically neglected little boys. They have both blossomed amazingly during the past year.
I was driven by my own needs, my joy, my sense of being loved in a way I never had been … all of it. It was like a drug ... the outpouring of praise and connection ... the sense of belonging. I felt like I was in two separate skins. The lies kept compounding. It was stupid and it was selfish.
There is no apology great enough to cover what I have done. I have been sleepless and sick over this for many times. I had never shared any aspect of this with anyone before, ever. My husband knew nothing about any of it until I told him everything a few days ago. He is in complete shock. I don't know what will happen now between us. We have weathered storms before, but this, I don't know.
You, and others I have connected with have given me something which fed the very source of who I am inside, but I stole it from you. I am deeply ashamed and sorry. I did write Kate an apology early yesterday morning before I realised what she had written on her blog. In it I fully acknowledged what I had done. It was too late, and I don't blame her for her actions. I didn't know about any of it until I came home from work. Kate's response was to send me the link she has sent to every single one of my readers that she could find. Quite frankly, at that moment I felt suicidal. If it wasn't for my little boys, I would have ended my life.
There has been an outpouring of hatred, anger, disgust, threats to go the police ... all of which I've brought onto myself ... and I'm very frightened. A beautiful e-mail I received from Birdie, whom I have never been in contact with before, has helped to give me the courage to trust you with the truth.
XXXXX(Nicky)
I know what you are all thinking. This story might be every bit as fabulous (literal definition) as was the “Nicky” story. It sounds a little fishy. A little too Oprah. I asked its writer for some proof. I received name, address, phone number, work info and scanned photos of birth certificate and ID card. I verified the name (and personal cell phone number) with the hospital where she is employed. I have done everything short of actually speak with “Nicky”. Could this be a case of identity theft? I somehow doubt it. Too easy to trace and verify the information provided. Could this new story be real? Maybe. Could the real "Nicky" be involving this woman in the extension of his charade? Possibly. Because of those possibilities, speaking to the woman who has disclosed her identity to me will do little to change my reserve.
One odd detail came to light when I called 411 to ask about any numbers for persons with the last name she provided. There is someone listed whose name is Nicholas. That means that “Nicky” may not be someone she “created when she was six years old”. The fact is that I don’t at all mind the possibility that even this new persona might not be real because the premise of the imaginary is the newly established foundation to this person, whoever she or he may be. My only uneasiness is that the person in question could certainly benefit from some good counseling and because of that, one cannot really view the whole picture as other than at least mildly disturbing.
Regarding the grave issue of plagiarism, I think we ought to look at it in the context of the perpetrator. “Nicky” got tangled up in the boundaries that separate acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Stealing other people’s work is inexcusable, but when a person does it for reasons other than financial gain (maybe because they are overwhelmed with a desire for a life they do not have), the trespass may be forgivable. I have traded email with the lady blogger involved and she is inclined to forgiveness (while understandably skeptical about the new story).
They say that Jean Genet would often steal small objects from the homes of people he visited. It was his odd little way of wanting to have their lives. Kleptomaniacs who take things they could easily afford to pay for are similar with the added element of wanting to get caught and punished. Maybe “Nicky” also wanted to get caught and punished. We might never know.
I called her cell phone and got a message. I didn’t leave my name or ask for a return call, but she will certainly see a number that is not local.
I am writing this with her permission.
(Update: I got a call from "Nicky". I asked her about the phone listing for "Nicholas". That is her eldest son whom she named after the "Nicky" that lives inside her. There is more to this story that I am not at liberty to reveal because of others involved, but at this point, I am inclined to believe it, and I hope that "Nicky" will find her way home.)
PS: There is one man, a blogger, who can verify, beyond doubt, this story, but I don't think he is ready to come forward, and I will certainly respect his privacy. Meanwhile, I would urge all of you to go swiftly through the steps of anger, betrayal and disgust, all the way to forgiveness.
posted by Father Tony of the Farmboyz at 3:07 PM
71 Comments:
*is speechless*
The sense of betrayal we might be feeling is a gut response but perhaps not the one we ought to maintain. As readers, the cost of this experience for us is quite small. "Nicky" is paying a very high price and will continue to do so.
Here is an opportunity for forgiveness from a community who knows what it is to be the target of vitriol. Forgiveness calls for a quality of mercy, in that justice is not required as payment for wrongdoing. Give what you would hope for yourself. Erase the price your anger would have you extract. There is great peace in this for yourself and for "Nicky."
Ugh. Again? How many is this now? 10? 20?
Have a seat, Padre, let me tell you a story that you may find interesting ...
A few years ago there was yet another phony blog called "a priori ad lib" (the name should have been a clue) written by a phony "man" named "Joel" who was supposedly located in Vancouver (later I found out from "his" phone number that "he" was actually from Prince George, in northern BC) Interestingly enough there is also a "person" with "Joel's" last name in Prince George, BC named Nicholas. Now ain't that a coincidence?
"Joel" was supposedly dying of leukemia. During a conference trip to Vancouver, I attempted to visit "him" in the hospital, since I was going to be in the area anyway. What I found was that "he" didn't exist. Then, checking "his" blog, I found "he" was a plagiarist, stealing all sorts of things from other peoples' blogs. Though I've never read "Nico's" blog, from the post on Sweetsalty, the stuff he stole sounds very, very similar to the stuff "Joel" used to steal. "Joel" didn't lie about having kids, but "he" did make up all sorts of stories about "his" nephew. I never talked to "him" directly, but before I flew to Vancouver I did speak to "his" "sister" on the phone ... in Prince George, BC.
BTW, "Joel" was supposedly 26.
Given all the similarities,this "Nicky" person has done clearly this sort of thing before. A liar is a liar is a liar.
I'm with you, if you've never met a blogger, they're probably not real. I have met several NYC bloggers at a GBNYC event a few years ago, who can confirm that I exist.
At the very least, she has good instincts on who to reach out to. I think more of us than would normally care to admit feel or have felt ill at ease in our own skins. I have sympathy and empathy for her even if we still don't know the whole story.
You simply have such a fascinating existence. My life is so completely drab compared to yours! I never have this type of shit happen to me! EVER.
Alan, I mentioned your A Priori story to Salty (the blogger plagiarized this time) as an example of this happening in the psst and it never occurred to me that it could be the same person all over again. Would not be surprised.
I'm speechless. You know more than I do and I've been in regular contact with this person for YEARS! I believe I am the author of the blog written by a gay man that this person claims to have found back then. But I am certainly NOT the person who can vouch for the authenticity of this story as I have never met or spoken to this Nicky in my life. Nonetheless, I have been betrayed and the anger is beyond words. I told myself I wouldn't get involved in any of this because, well, frankly, who cares? But there was one single line in the letter you published here that made me think, yes, it's true. There may one day be forgiveness on my end but it will be a long time coming.
As someone who has been an online friend of the person I knew as Nicky for a while now, I am floored. I don't even know what to say. The person you mention at the end is a friend of ours in real life (as opposed to online), and he has verified as much as he can of this, but he was deceived as well. It will take me time to digest all of this.
My partner and I even sent holiday gifts for the kids to Nicky, as well as candy for "him."
A big part of me feels sorry for the person behind this. I'm not sure what to believe. As you point out, it's hard to know how much is true even now, since the latest story could contain fabrications. Whatever the case, I'm not so much angry as sad and disappointed. There's a troubled soul behind what has happened, and, even though we were deceived, I wish that person well.
Thank you for this post. Thank you for treating it as gently as you have. There is a lot of pain on all sides of this story.
Oh, and what Birdie said.
My mind is just spinning in place over this one.
Plagiarism is always wrong, but I agree with you, Father Tony, that in this case really it's symptomatic of the larger issue here.
Any anger or feeling of betrayal I may have initially felt has long since been nudged aside for concern and compassion for the person at the heart of this all...whoever that turns out to be.
I'm sick to my stomach. Absolutely ready to heave my guts. I have corresponded intimately with this kid for almost a year.
I even defended him after noticing his original J.M.G. post included a lengthy quote about gay role models lifted word for word from a response I left him some months before on his site.
I am working in China and cannot access any wordpress or typepad blogs including saltysweet -- so am appreciative of your follow-up here.
Alas, I join the ranks of the "fooled." It is all so sad. I really hope that "Nicky" finds what s/he is looking to find.
Long time Cooper reader here. Very interesting day in the blogosphere, for certain. Very interesting day indeed. Birdie's right. All I know is I've been hitting the gummy bears all afternoon over this. Thanks for posting this and I hope the record is now straight.
Sorry but the idea that because most of us are part of minority we should all offer up compassion and forgiveness is ludicrous. This person is a Monster. They carefully calculated for YEARS the deceit that they spread throughout the blogosphere. They knew exactly what they were doing and no matter what their mental illness may be, we were all unwitting victims. Like TR said, I too wrote this Nicky thing for years and shared personal/private information with someone I truly believed was genuine. He was not and maybe I'm the fool for doing so but this person is sick and twisted and had multiple years of opportunities to quit this whole charade. They chose not to. Nope, forgiveness isn't about to happen here anytime soon.
Wasn't this a movie with Robin Williams?
i remember way back when aol was first starting up, there was a gay and lesbian room. and there were a lot of the same faces/screen names who went in there and chatted, then eventually started meeting up in person. kinda like this whole blogosphere thing, really. there was a huge incident at one point with some "19 year old guy" who was befriending all these different people with this story of who he was...even going so far as sending photos of himself in the mail (back before the days of attachments!). he would target specific people and play on their interests; their hot buttons. some people in the room actually claimed to have MET him when the stories started coming out that he was a possible fake, defending that he was who he claimed to be. come to find out, the photos he was sending were actually a photograph of a cover of some porn box with young men on it (nothing NSFW...just young guys in surf shorts or something). some of the guys in the room had talked to him on the phone and said he sounded much older than 19, and he explained his voice had been affected by some sort of illness when he was younger. it was all so well thought out and planned, and i was amazed that someone would go thru THAT much trouble to make up a life for themselves.
i'm amazed by this whole story...yet not. i guess i do not understand why people would go to such elaborate lengths to be someone they are not. isn't it tough to keep it all straight in your mind? how do you live with yourself, knowing your stories are NOT your own, those pics are NOT you...it is all a big lie you have created in your mind? and i cannot help but think that, what...this person did not think things would ever overlap and it would all catch up to him/her someday?
i tend to believe that everyone is being honest on their blog, but now and lately, it has been pointed out that a lot of it is pure fiction.
all i can ever say is "wow".
Many thanks for getting to the bottom of this, Fr. Tony, I too, had felt close to Cooper and we wrote back an forth once a week or so then, IM'd for awhile. I feel like I have lost a good friend and yet, this friend didn't really ever exist, at least in the form s/he presented. I too, am not angry but more disappointed for being deceived and played. One thinks that they know someone and eventually, the truth always wins out. I feel sorry for all those people including two people I know who got too close to Nicky. I know one has not stepped forward but the other was his ex. named Will, that we all read about the first time Nicky closed down his site. I think Will may also know all about this and it scared Nicky into closing down his site until nothing happened for a few weeks. It all makes more sense to me looking back at what has happened. I know Nicky said he didn't like to talk on telephones because he studdered and it makes more sense that it was because he was female and would be recognized as such regardless of who he was on the inside. I fell for Kate having to reclaim her words, stories and pictures in all of this and I feel for all the bloggers who have been a part of Nicky's blogs. I hope Nicky, can find some peace in all of this and has learned something from it. I think he should seek counciling to work this all out. The whole thing saddens me. Thank you for your part in all of this.
Yikes. I used to follow the Corridor too. Feeling a little violated here.
Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit... this has left me totally gobsmacked.
Count me amongst those who had the wool pulled over their eyes. I mentioned to someone else that I just went and deleted a whole batch of e-mails and shut down the account completely. I have no desire to hear anything more from whoever is on the side of that keyboard.
I think I'm more pissed with myself that my bullshit detectors didn't pick up on this before.
I swear I'm gonna write a book some day about all the things I've seen from the days of BBS systems and CompuServe/Genie through to current times. Another tale to add to the list.
And I have this feeling that the surface has only been scratched, and as people compare notes there will likely be more to come to the surface in the coming days.
incredible story. but what's so surprising about this ruse happening on the internet? if people get emotionally involved with someone they didn't really know, it's akin to answering e-mails with vital personal information when someone from Nairobi states that you have won a lottery.
Dear Anonymous,
You make an interesting point. How do we value our emotional investment compared to how we value our financial investment? I won't allow myself to get scammed financially, but if I get deeply involved with someone who exists only on the net, am I not offering up something of greater value.
In this case, however, I think we will ultimately see a good end. It seems to me that someone who has led a painfully secret life has finally managed to let go of her secret. She's going through a type of personal surgery. I hope she survives and I hope "Nicky" survives. I think we may end up liking this new person. She could use some support at this moment. While I can certainly understand some folks' inability to step out of their anger at this point, I see no reason to kick someone when they are down.
You know that's all a very good observation, and I am not yet sure we have assigned boundaries to everything that the weberverse entails. More important of an observation, and an ancient old observation at that is: Never cry wolf. Now that this obviously confused person has lied, pretty much about their entire life and who they are, how can I believe anything they say. I trust everyone until they give me a reason to no longer trust, well guess what "Nicky" can say anything it wants but I still can't help but to not make the separation between it's writing and a giant bag of steaming dog doo. If your going to write a fake blog about your fake life, and your fake persona, at least do all the fake writing yourself, don't blame stress for stealing someone else's words, that my friend, is just unforgivable.
Indeed Joe, after reading other comments elsewhere, it's clear this is the same person who has been doing this since at least 2005.
I honestly think it's a testament to some folks inherent good nature that, after being lied to over and over, and after seeing that this person has done the same thing at least once before, they are willing to give the person's new stories the benefit of the doubt. Well, they're clearly better folks than I am. Sure someone might be sick and need help, but there's also at least an equal possibility that they're simply cruel. Not all bad behavior is the result of some sort of deep psychological wound. Some people are just assholes and enjoy the drama.
Given that the ability of this person to construct a reasonably believable lie that snowed so many people (a lie I might add that was specifically calculated to elicit sympathy from folks .... hmmm ... just like this new story) there is no reason to believe this new story either. That's the thing about liars; they don't stop being liars just because they've been caught. As we all learned as children with the "Boy Who Cried Wolf," if you lie all the time, no one will believe you if you tell the truth. It's clear however that the only moral this "Nicky/Joel/Whatever" person learned from that fable is to never tell the same lie twice.
I'm a follower of Kate, rather than of Nicky, so I have less a feeling of betrayal, and more a creepy feeling - how easy it is to co-opt someone's personal information/ life and claim it as your own. Doing it online could eventually lead to doing something drastic IRL, which is scary. The fake life story doesn't bother me as much as the plagiarism, but as long as there is no physical threat to Kate. . . I'm over it. And, of course, for all I know Kate is a fake as well. I don't feel like that's true, but it totally could be.
However, getting to my point . . . this whole rigamarole has ended up linking me to a whole new and interesting world of bloggers. I will enjoy getting to know some of you now. At least there's that . . .
Dear Alan,
You said
"Not all bad behavior is the result of some sort of deep psychological wound"
That's true, and not all sunsets are gorgeous. Try to narrow your lens a bit. We're talking about a specific person whose issues are "secret living" and related plagiarism. We are trying to get to the truth of this particular person. Generalizations aren't enough to get us there. Can you see no difference between a plagiarist who wants to sell a book that he isn't skilled enough to write on his own, and this person who is obviously disordered but not malevolent? I'm not justifying her behavior but I am not going to shout for her burning at the stake. Also, I am one of the world's biggest skeptics. I did enough homework here (more than I have disclosed), and I've heard her voice. I might finally be the biggest fool of all, but....
Thank you for putting this story in a non hysterical light :). I am saddened by the need of some people to fabricate an existence in order to forge bonds with people. While I feel a bit betrayed by the lie, I also feel compassion for the underlying illness/loneliness/desperation which spurred this person to commit this act of dishonesty. The act of lifting someone else's work is indefensible, and amends must be made. As a photographer, I have had my images stolen and used with out payment. It is infuriating to work so hard to create something of value from nothing, and then have it stolen out of pocket.
Your take on this is refreshing to read, and has lead me to re-evaluate my own naivety about this virtual social realm, in a less emotional manner.
"Can you see no difference between a plagiarist who wants to sell a book that he isn't skilled enough to write on his own, and this person who is obviously disordered but not malevolent?"
Oh sure, there's clearly a difference between a person who plagiarizes to sell books, a person with some sort of psychological disorder, and a person who is just an ass for the fun of it. I simply feel that reaching the conclusion that this person has problems isn't warranted if any of that conclusion is based on this person's own words. Just because you and I can't imagine doing something this horrible doesn't mean other people might not get a lot of enjoyment out of it. There is just no way to tell which is which in this case. And yeah, I spoke to "her" once or twice too, but she was lying then as well.
I'm not shouting for "her" burning at the stake either, but there are several reasonable and understandable and perfectly acceptable responses to this situation, as we see from the previous comments here. For you, that might mean forgiveness. For others, forgiveness only comes with justice and reconciliation (whatever that would mean in a situation like this.) I'm simply suggesting that for some of us, it's also reasonable not to buy yet another sack of lies just because the liar states that this time, really and truly, they're telling the truth and they seriously so totally mean it this time. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
In any case, we may differ in our responses to this situation, but I do want to thank you for putting all this info out there. When these things happen, generally the person that discovers the lie publishes some little comment on their blog and that's that. Few details are given either out of embarrassment at being snowed, refusing to give the person even more of the attention they so desperately crave, or out of concern that pissing off a crazy person is a bad idea (or all three). So, there are rarely enough details for the blogging community to know whether or not this person has done the same thing before or since. Perhaps by your airing of all this, this person will simply use a different set of lies next time, or perhaps it will alert more people that this sort of crap does actually happen on the 'net. Either way, thanks for posting it.
My eyes are crossed at this point, but I just want to say thank you... thank you so, so much to this community that's been so thoughtful and kind and proactive. I'm honoured to connect with you all, and Tony and Joe.. you've been incredibly helpful through this.
It really was daunting to step into this unknown circle with news such as this, and yet be welcomed with such articulateness and sensibility and integrity... I can't tell you what this has meant to me.
My heart goes out to whomever Nicky is, despite my continued skepticism. I don't know that I can believe anything except that she/he is a deeply troubled soul.
I knew nothing of this except as it unfolded on JMG and then it all seemed wrong to me. Now it is clear why. Just one other point of view. I have worked with mentally ill people professionally for years. This person sounds to me to have serious mental illness issues and it is a shame to me that they are playing out in "public". It is useful to know the story now especially as sensitively presented as Tony has done. But I think for the sake of this person, the best thing is to simply encourage them to seek help in their local area and to unplug their internet NOW. The internet especially blogs are very much an emotional tightrope for anyone in any situation -- imagine people whose grasp of reality if askew and who are not well -- it offers them any possibility of presenting fantasy scenarios of themselves which when believed and then discovered only hurt them even more. Sad, sad story.
First, thank you Fr. Tony for taking the time and effort to find as much of the truth as possible about this incident. I came to find out about this whole mess from another blogger (Sweet Juniper!) who blogged about it a couple days ago. I went to sweet | salty's site and read the whole story there. so, being new to all of this, I don't have the same sense of betrayal or anger as a lot of those who have been involved with the participants from the beginning, although I am outraged for sweet | salty and the offense perpetrated against her. My thoughts on this, from my own perspective, are:
1. It is going to be impossible for most people involved in this to ever know the real truth, or to feel that they know the truth. Part of that is due to the nature of the internet, and part of that would still be true even if this were a real life incident involving people they know face-to-face. The truth is often a hard thing to find. We have to accept that to move on.
2. I fully believe it is important for everyone who is still upset over this, to find a way to process through this and get to a better place. Letting this experience taint our experience with the other bloggers and friends we know through the internet is not fair to those with whom we have become close, and who deserve our trust and love.
What happened here did not happen because we (perhaps) wrongly chose to trust and love someone. After all, all relationships (even those in real life) require some amount of risk. Much of the time it works out alright; other times, incidents like this one happen. If we let this event stop us from taking risks and opening ourselves to other people, then we can probably kiss blogging goodbye. And I don't think any of us want that to happen.
I am not trying to excuse the actions of this person. I am also not in the least bit trying to trivialize what sweet | salty has been through, or minimize her (or anyone's) valid feelings. What I am doing is thinking about the next step; how we move on with our lives after having been through this. I hope we can do that; I believe we can.
There was always something otherworldly about the Nicky character. He was so easily overwhelmed by the unbearable lightness of being. In a way, it's a relief to find out that he's fictional.
I'm a bit surprised by the feelings of anger and betrayal. I don't mean to sound unkind, but I think that people who form such strong connections to an online presence need to work on the connections in their real lives. If you have a life, you don't need to find one online, and you can take what you find here as entertainment and information, but not as something to get emotionally invested in. Especially since stories of this nature are legion.
Sweet Salty Kate - if you're still out there. Your blog is blocked in China -- so I have to wait for another five weeks to read what passed. I started getting a lot of hits from J.M.G archives on the Cooper story yesterday and knew something was up (i had posted one of the last comments in his support back in May). There I noticed you were raising some kind of red flag and my heart just sank -- that inner voice admitting it was always too good to be true and from there I got to here - unfortunately without being able to see your side of the story.
His writing inspired me like no other -- and if it is your writing that I loved -- then I certainly have something to look forward too when I get back home. Thanks to you and Father Tony for ending the charade with great care. The world is a little less kind tonight - but I'll get over it.
You have done a wonderful job covering this story. This is such a good topic. So many people I have met through the internets, that I always assume they are who they are. More then likely they are, but a perfect case is shown with Cooper. I too have read past posts from Cooper and respected him as a writer...and to find out this info about him/her is heart wrenching but a wake up call too.
It's funny that these things don't bother me any more. I've personally (with other bloggers) dealt with three confirmed cases of this BS in my short 2.5 year stint - 2 bloggers and one mainly by email.
I just kinda roll my eyes now.
And back away slowly.
However, the specific story - if true - is one of the more odd ones. Of course, I don't really know the *true* stories of the other 3, either, so who knows.
um, thanks for letting us all in on this baffling episode. i came to you from kate, a woman i respect and have come to love. you have helped me at least understand a bit what went down. what an odd world we weave when we cannot come to terms with our true self.
Tony, you may remember our having met at a dinner gathering in Boston some while ago. I am Will of DesignerBlog, a colleague of Evilganome at MIT (I'm now retired).
"Nicky"--which was short for Dominick, not Nicholas by the way--quite possibly hijacked part of my life experience in the process of setting up the big deception. I raised two orphan girls adopted from Korea as a single gay father. It was one of the great, defining experiences of my life and I had written about it fairly frequently on my blog.
Nicky wrote me one night to say that two boys had been brought to his attention in the hope he might take them in and make a home for them. He told me how much he admired what I had done and asked for any advice I could give as to how it could be made possible in his life.
By this time I had been deeply impressed by the transcendent beauty of Nicky's writing on nature and spirituality; I replied eagerly and at length, telling him that there might be difficulties but that they had been far outweighed by the joys in my case. I told him of the support systems he'd need to set up to make it possible, and told him also that I thought he'd be a superb father. I offered whatever support I could give at any time. An email correspondence ensued and he made the decision to go ahead and do it.
So, I got pulled in a little bit further than most of Nicky's readers. I know the blogger you refer to in your last paragraph--certainly he got pulled in most of all and may never care to speak about his experience. But finally there are answers to the "why" in his untold story, and to his cryptic remark that things were not as they had been made to seem.
It took me 30 minutes.
To go from disbelief to anger via embarrassment and finally to compassion, (albeit theoretical, given the absence of bulletproof evidence as to who this person really is and what their motives really are).
I have no idea if the final version of this person's story is really the truth or not. I'm not really sure it even matters at this point, I simply hope that IF this person's conduct really is the result of some psychological issues (which is what I would like to believe), then I wish them all the success in the world in getting help for themselves and healing. They have my compassion in that case. If, on the other hand, this is the act of someone playing games for the sake of the fun of sucking people in, then I wish them only what Karma theoretically owes them as a result.
Sadly, I suspect I'll be far less inclined to be open to those reaching out for help on the internet as a result of being personally fooled by both "Joel" and "Nicky".
It's my own fault, really. I should have known better.
So many folks have been duped by Cooper/Nicky, and it's sad that these folks thrive on this kind of duplicitous attention. Much like the blogger(s) that I and The Whitecotton Tales have debunked (namely "Steve Rebooted" or "Steve Pulignani" of Anythingbutsad.wordpress.com), this Nicky/Cooper person is quite delusional and sadly beyond help. I, like many other bloggers, have reached out to those who we thought were honestly in need of emotional support, only to be let down by the exposure of lies and deception.
Some may say, "Big deal... no one was hurt", but the truth is, for many of us, we were deceived in a way that tapped us of emotions, feelings, and endless nights, composing caring emails to a charlatan.
While exposure of these lies may be the end of this round, like a Sugar Ray boxing match, there are at least another 11 more rounds to go.
She'll just switch over to Wordpress and create a whole new persona. Or not. Hey, if "Anythingbutsad" could do it and keep stringing along the same 25 commenters (some of whom comment here and on JMG's blog), perhaps Nicky/Cooper can keep doing the same exact thing.
So sad... And as is the lexicon of many bloggers who know the story, this is so "Billy Boy Dee".
Lovies,
T
I wondered about that blog, it seemed just a little off.
If you or someone you know hasn't met the person in person, not to be trusted.
I may be the blogger you mention, Tony. I recently met the person who has been writing and posing as Nicky, in 'his' hometown in BC. I wondered if I was in fact caught up in a JT Leroy situation, but I bought the explanation for why Nicky couldn't meet me. I had been so thoroughly duped by that point, I think I was unwilling to question things too closely, for fear of realizing I'd been played for nearly five months (For the record, I was never conned out of any money, not even plane fare.) I also met the younger of the two boys. He's definitely the boy I've seen in most of the photos ( realize some of the photos were also stolen, but not all of them were, I can affirm). In fact, recognizing "Tee-Tee" was how I found Nicky's 'babysitter' who had come to meet me on Nicky's behalf. I also saw the hospital where she works; she showed me around all sorts of 'staff' only spaces, so I believe that part of the story too. I never met the older boy, I assume now because he would have broken the story once I asked him anything about "Daddy". It may seem foolish of me, but I do believe he exists, and is who she says he is. I even met her husband, very briefly. That must have been a terrifying moment for her, since he and I could have easily unraveled things, but it didn't happen. I did ask about "Dario" in his presence though, and he behaved as if the boy was real as well. I don't know if having the boys' existence confirmed (as much as this does) will comfort others, but for some reason it does comfort me. But hey, I'm just another voice from the ether to most of you, at this point. I have encouraged her to get counseling. She has promised me (and, she claims, her husband) to do so, but again, I can never depend on anything she says.
I've been thinking about the emotional v financial scamming issue, Tony, just as you framed it. I like to think I would have never been taken in by a con involving money, what does it say about me that I was so gullible with my feelings? I don't have any answers for that just yet. I think anger may be in my future, but right now my feeling is sadness. I feel personally humiliated, but mostly I feel badly for her. I understand why others might not, perhaps ever, share my feeling -nor do I dismiss the serious issue of plagiarism- but right now, at this moment, that is where I am. The fact is I could have easily have seen becoming friends with her, in a happier context.
Fortunately for you guys, it's just someone who plagiarized a blog. It could have been worse.
I have recently found out that since 2006 someone has stolen my identity. This person has stolen personal pictures, information and god only knows whatelse off my computer which I actually thought was secure!. After a bit of digging from a friend I have now found out that this person has my pictures on an adult site and has over 200 contacts that he/she has been duping that they are me. I felt sick, I still feel sick so I can relate to how some of you are feeling. I am still trying to unravel whats happened to me, I hope you guys get some closure on what has happened as its the worst feeling in the world xx
alls i remember is the assault i received on JMG for questioning the creepy pefectionistic tale.
thanks tony for the clear, respectful framing. good job.
Chubby Hubby
As I was curious, I looked up Cooper's Corridor on the wayback machine. Maybe, it is the benefit of hindsight, but it seemed the excerpts I read can be best described as "imperfect perfection". Some of it was great, but some of it made my teeth cringe. Maybe it was the attempt to create a believable persona-maybe it was the careening of a person who couldn't hold herself together-or maybe it was someone who borrowed from good/bad writers indiscriminately, but I would like to think I would not have read the blog.
I can't believe that I was so taken in by this. I'm still trying to understand why and why I was so gullible and eager to misplace my trust.
I'm not so angry as I am hurt. I fell in a sort of love for this guy.
Really, I think I'd do better to live in a cave with no broadband.
A hero indeed.
Since starting on the net over a decade ago, I've met many people who live alternate lives, and I've never been bothered by it. I figure if I haven't met them face to face, then they are nothing more than "words on a screen" that I take at face value.
IF they turn out to be something different, well, I don't really care. After all, there is a real person typing, whether they are who they say they are or not. It's all entertainment to me until they become actual flesh and blood friends.
So, yeah, I COULD feel compassion for this person, but ONLY after I meet them face to face. Until then, confession or not, they're still just words on a screen.
First time I've been here, came from a Twitter link. Wow, what a compelling story, well told. I'm almost speechless, recalling the betrayal I felt in a similar situation. I did not confront, as you did, and your story inspires me to reconsider that. In my case, I felt manipulated by a blogger (a whole family of them, as the story went) going through tragedy. I sent people to read their story, I even mailed gifts to them. But then major life events that should have been part of the public record . . . aren't there. I came to suspect that, not unlike Nicky, there was one person with multiple identities, creating an online life with friends, supporters, encouragers, etc.
Thanks for this. It must have taken a lot of energy to unravel the mystery, and then to share such a complex situation so clearly. And compassionately.
Hello. I'm here via Sweet Salty.
Thank you for all of this clarity. I, like MOST of Kate's readers are fiercely defensive of her and equally inspired by the heart wrenching rawness of her beautiful honesty.
After reading your post and your commenters, I will willingly put down my pitch fork and retreat to my corner of the blogosphere with the understanding that this plagiarist is disturbed...whatever the real story.
Thank you for this closure. And I do hope that the matter IS closed.
What do they say about fool me twice?
- - -
I honestly don't know what to think. But there's this knot in my gut.
- - -
I'm glad that you met Brettcajun in person recently, not that I've ever questioned his reality.
This whole imbroglio is fascinating. Think back to the early 1990s, when the web was not nearly what it is today. The reaction to this deception really brings to light how technology has changed not only our culture, but how we as individuals relate to other people. We feel betrayed and hurt when we find out we've been deceived by someone we've never met, and there is no remedy or recourse for the questioning or punishment of strangers. Will this mean that we harden our hearts and become even more cynical than we already are?
Nobody has mentioned "Will" the man who is from North Carolina and traveled to BC to try and date Cooper. I don't have the link to his blog, but HE can tell us if Cooper really existed!
That relationship ended in a tragic way this is one person who seems to be absent from the narrative here.
Just a thought.
Jeremy
Please google "Amy Player" before you buy this explanation from "Nicky" wholesale. Out of respect for the possibility that Nicky is being truthful, I will not take this anywhere else in the blogosphere. However, it is far too similar to the Amy Player/Victoria Bitter/Jordan Wood saga, aka "The Wank that Ate the Internet" for me to believe it.
Dear Jeremiah Andrews,
I am aware of that instance. I think it ended with the man not actually meeting "Nicky" or the lady who is Nicky. There is only one instance of an actual meeting, and that is as described by the blogger, Patrick, in a comment above. I have received expanded parallel and matching accounts of that meeting from Patrick and from "Nicky". They were both in love. The logistics of that meeting are fascinating, and I hope that someday they will both let me tell that story. It is really rather beautiful and a little heartbreaking.
Oh Tony, Tony, Tony...come on! Wake up! You are such a smart man and yet you keep giving the benefit of the doubt to an insane liar. I have three years and a few months worth of almost daily and sometimes more than one a day,
SAVED EMAILS from this fraud. I am highly, HIGHLY suspicious that "Will" of the blog "Soliloqueer" (which was still up as of last night) is also a fake...derived from the same twisted, fevered mind that gave us "Nicky". I could be wrong...but after this fiasco, who can say for sure? Look back in the archives to Nov/Dec. of last year where there is but a brief mention once or twice of "the boy from Canada". Why would this person, if they were real, have kept this charade a secret? What on earth would there have been to gain? I was even emailed photographs of these two together! Tell me they aren't both fakes? The great lengths "Nicky" went to in order to deceive continue to astound me! As for Patrick and that "love story"....you can't possibly believe that he was the only one being told that? I'm here to tell you for a FACT he was not. He may have been the only one fooled enough to actually go there, but he was NOT the only one being told anything and everything he wanted to hear. Sweet christ on a Kotex! I'm already aware of two other people who were being "seduced" by this sociopath. "Nicky" professed to be
in love with me too...not that this lunatic could have ever known the meaning of that word. Thank gawd I'm a hardhearted cynic. There is a hell of a lot of note comparing to be done. In the meantime, I'm getting a good, much needed laugh out of the speculation coming from people who weren't nearly as close to this thief as I unfortunately was. Liars don't stop lying just because they're caught.
Call me a Pollyanna but I have always wanted to believe that people, for the most part, are good. Sadly, this entire incident serves to remind me that monsters do indeed walk among us.
What a shocker! NOT!!! Since last night when it was all there, Soliloqueer has deleted his entire blog archive and left nothing but pictures of men up. Fraud. "Nicky" strikes again would be my best guess.
Dear Cheerful Retard,
Let me make something perfectly clear for you: I love this story. I love it even if it turns out to be entirely fictional. I love the people in it. The villainous plagiarist, the fire-fighting prince Valiant raising two sweet young boys who is unmasked as a Canadian grandma with a secret gender identity disorder. A New York actor who goes 3000 miles to claim his love and spends a week "in his life" without actually meeting "him". A beautiful and talented blogger mourning the death of an infant son who discovers bits of her life have been taken. A juggernaut blogger who issues a public apology that turns out to be unwarranted. An ex-priest who, no longer under the seal of confession, becomes the repository of all the pieces - or maybe not - and a Greek chorus of bloggers and blog readers from around the world shouting, singing and chirping the underlying issues of justice, forgiveness, suspicion, cynicism, truth and foolishness. And still, even when we think we've gotten to the bottom of it all, Carrie's hand shoots up from her grave and grabs us by the ankle as we scream. Sorry, CR, whether or not they are real, I love these people. All of them. None of them are, as you say, monsters.
My response to The Milkman's comment above... "Will this mean that we harden our hearts and become even more cynical than we already are?"... is: Yes.
That's where I got to around 2 years ago and it only got more set that way as more BS unfolded.
Now if you're not in a web of trust I can see, I have to initially be suspicious of everyone. Sad, but safer (emotionally and, possibly, otherwise)
This is all BS. Follow the money and you will have your answers. This isn't some sick person who has issues. This is outright theft and fraud. There is a money angle here. Too much work otherwise.
The Will that went to meet Cooper in Canada just posted this on Joe My God:
Okay, listen up because I'm only going to go through this once.
1) I never went to Canada.
2) I never met Nicky/Jo/Cooper.
3) I found out along with the rest of you that he was a woman two nights ago.
4) I had an online relationship with this person.
5) We decided to blog that we had met because frankly, it made us feel closer until a time came that we could meet for real. Yes, this was kind of pathetic on my part. And hindsight being what it is, also a mistake.
6) I know that scandals of this sort are fun for everyone to pick apart, but please remember that I'm a real person with a real life, and I'm just as much a victim in all this as anyone else.
7) I only got my life back on track two weeks ago after everything ended with Nicky/Jo/Cooper and I will thank you all to realize how difficult it was for me to first acknowledge that someone I loved was lying to me, and then had to go a full seven months before I would ever learn the truth.
I trimmed back the personal entries on my blog because my blog is a hobby and I will not have someone pick it apart for their own amusement at the risk of my privacy.
Thank you.
Will | Homepage | 07.26.08 - 7:58 am | #
ugh-- grotesque in its scope and telling. And not surprising.
@cheerful retard:
Seriously? Monster? Monster because "They carefully calculated for YEARS the deceit that they spread throughout the blogosphere."
If the story is true (and I'm with Father Tony on this one, it's kind of a beautiful story, even if it isn't true) I'd say it's possible that Nicky is more real for this person than the woman who's body he lives in.
From the trans folks I know, men and women, there's one thing that's in common, it's that they have been that sex their whole life, even if they had the wrong genetalia.
Not all people feel they can bring themselves to admit that to the world, so, I'm willing to bet there are a lot of people out there who feel like they are a different sex than their body presents, but are too afraid to do anything about it. And, fair enough, it's a personal choice, and not an easy road (although, neither is living a secret life)
Why Nicky only aged to 26? Who knows.
But as for people using the internet to present things that they don't present in real life... I'm betting there are bunches of queer folks on the internet who are no where near out in real life, but they are out and more themselves on the internet. They may never tell any of their online friends that they are not out in real life. In fact, they may directly say that they are, because maybe they're embarrassed that they haven't been able to come out.
I suspect that for this person, Nicky is real. Nicky is who he is when he's on the internet. The internet is where he gets to be himself.
None of this is to say that people shouldn't fell betrayed. I have had friends who have taken so long to come out to me, years, that I end up kind of feeling betrayed that they didn't tell me earlier, but always happy that they eventually did. Maybe s/he should have communicated, at least to the people s/he was close to online, that in real life s/he presented as a woman, but that's easier said than done.
Actually, I'm not sure where I stand on how s/he should have behaved, but I certainly don't think that the title 'monster' should apply. People present what they feel is the 'real them' on the internet all the time. S/he did not do this to hurt anyone. Yes, people were hurt, and that is awful, but it wasn't the intent.
A monster is someone who intends to hurt.
BTW - none of this applies the the plagiarism stuff, that was just dumb and s/he shouldn't have done it. But, we've had an apology which is pretty much all that can happen.
crestfallen.... pity really.
Wow! Wow, wow,wow. I was one of those who read "Cooper's" blog religiously. Though I thought he was overly cloying and tended to write too much about "the boys", I admit to falling for his persona "hook,line and sinker". I thought his writing style was sublime, that he was more self actualized than most people twice his age, and,often,he left me feeling less than accomplished, near perfect creature that he was. To his credit,though,and perhaps to render himself ever more endearing, he did mention the occasional visit to a therapist (of which we now know(s)he should have even more of).
I recall "he" claimed to have paid a visit to two men, an okder couple, also bloggers who served him a sumptuous repast then later helped carry the sleeping boys out to the Coopermobile -- a wonderful time was had by all and although he didn't photograhp the couple he did, "with permission" (ha!) post a pic of "their lovely home". "They" have yet to step forward.
Finally, no one has mentioned the fact that if *she* is really caring for these boys, how stable an environment can/will she provide for them?
I don't feel sorry for her in the least because I feel she was (and still is) a manipulator. Sure it's part of her pathology, but she'll continue to do so as long as she can get away with the shenannigans.
So bizarre. Really.
I guess all has been said that needs to be said, but I still feel the need to share my thoughts. We can feel very sorry for someone who creates another identity that feels more real than the person he or she really is. I certainly believe that a woman can feel that she was meant to be a man, and vice versa. It's heartbreaking, and I feel nothing but sympathy for anyone who lives that life. However, that has absolutely nothing to do with plagiarism and stealing another person's words and life. I can end my sympathy right there. And let's not forget that Kate's blog was an intensely personal and at times extremely painful one, in which she wrote about the death of her child. To steal from that? Reprehensible. Whoever Nicky is, may he or she get help. Not just for the gender issues, but for the apparent inability to respect and leave in peace the pain of a mother who has lost her child.
I am a fool. As my husband has always said "you have no idea who you are conversing with online - they could be your next door neighbor."
This sucks.
Meh.
I'm already over it.
good lord . . .
*turns up the music, gets up + dances to fleetwood mac "think about me" *
Wow. I too was enamored by what "Cooper's Corridor" stood for: a gay hero. I was hungry to "know" a fairly earthy gay guy with compassion for others and an inner peace derived from his Native American connection to the woods. I was looking for a gay single dad who was not of many means but willing to raise two kids on his own so that they would not have to be separated. For me, "Nicky" was that ideal gay man -- perhaps too ideal. And there lies the rub.
In many ways, Cooper was my comic book hero. He "did" what I could only imagine to do. I lived vicariously through his writing and was encouraged that that too could be my reality.
For whatever anger we may want to direct toward's Jo -- I must thank her for feeding a part of my fantasy and making me think about the possibilities that may become my reality.
As for the plagiarism (both textually and photographically), that's just inexcusable and an unforgivable criminal act.
btw, cheerful retard's blog on wordpress can't be found.
For as long as I have been posting and blogging on these internets I have strongly believed and repeatedly said: Even when you know someone's 'real' name they are still anonymous.
I have to admit this is a doozy ... from time to time I have read posts that make me scrunch up my brow and wonder: is this for real?
Sad this person got so many to believe ...
Found my way here via Traveling But Not In Love's friend/commentor Lewis ...
:-Daryl
"This is the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life." Bullshit! 'Nicky' got caught with her hand in the cookie jar so she has given you exactly what you needed to hear; a sob story wrapped around an apology.
I once was betrayed by a blogger called "Steve" who BTW is still to this day blogging.
http://homohomosapien.blogspot.com/2008/03/wcotton-tales.html
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