Hmmm. Statues of Mary? Check.
Long flowing brightly colored silk brocade garments? Check.
No girls? Check. Check . Check.
Actually, this witch hunt would be horrendous and distressing if it had been mandated decades ago when the seminaries were full and fully gay. Today, they are largely empty, and the inquisitors will have no more success than they had when their clipboards read "Weapons of Mass Destruction".
Further sad hilarity can be had when one realizes that any inspection team assembled by the Vatican or by the American Catholic clergy at the request of the Vatican will consist largely of gay men (i.e., those lazy fat old queens who never got out while they were young enough to do something else with their lives).
I may have left an empty bottle of poppers and an early issue of Details in the loo of a Benedictine seminary in southern Indiana.