Monday, March 10, 2008

Seven new ones from B16. Spitzer breaks an old one, and I bring down the house.

I arrived at the gym with Governor Spitzer on my mind and I watched CNN froth at the mouth over his indiscretion while I worked the treadmill. I hope he does not resign. It's time for this country to take a look at Mrs. Spitzer standing by her husband (for whatever personal reasons) and to learn something. Men are dogs. Imperfectly housebroken, we sometimes piss on the carpet. It doesn't mean we don't love you. If we offed the head of every man who ever followed his dick into trouble, the race would soon be extinguished. And what was it he did anyway? He paid a woman for sex (probably). Sex, unlike love, tends to have its price even in the most sophisticated arenas. Men pay for it in a variety of ways from the simple application of a splash of Aqua Velva to the plunking down of cold cash on the top of a bureau in a hotel room. The gaining of access into a woman is strife and struggle made easier by good lucks, power, wealth or any other attractant. The quid pro quo cannot be denied. It can only be disguised with hearts and flowers. And besides, unless he paid the tootsie with public funds, I can't see how this impacts his ability to be a Governor.

As I plodded along on the treadmill, a banner headline ran underneath the image of the Spitzers' news conference. It appears that the Pope has invented seven new sins. "Excessive wealth" is one of the new ones. That is something B16 himself will have to confess. I doubt this man has ever known hunger. I doubt his soft little hands have ever pushed a broom. I doubt he has ever knelt on the bare floor of a bedroom to pray, and found dust under his bed. The oriental carpets beneath his old knees, the housekeepers keeping his chambers immaculate, and the yes-men surrounding him all conspire to keep him terrifically out of touch with the people he is supposed to serve. Millions turn away and his voice becomes barely audible. He is like a puppet in a Punch and Judy show in a two dimensional theater in a public park. Even the little children, accustomed to better entertainment, run away. If only he were benevolent and loving, we could excuse him his calcified heart, but he seems bitter and bent on vengeance. How long must we endure this one?

I finish my mile and am in a bad mood as I enter the sauna where five men momentarily pause their sexual interaction to calculate my tolerance. I give them a "carry-on/I'm cool with it" wave, and they resume their exertions. A particularly hideous goat of a man seated across from me begins to leer at me while tossing open his towel to offer me a view of his wizened and discolored pudenda. He and his appendages look like a pot bellied stove in a country store. I look away but he will not be ignored. He gathers up his toiletries and gear and crosses over to sit next to me. I slide away from him about a foot and a half thinking that this obvious signal of my disinterest will cause him to leave me alone. This does not work. A minute later, he has crossed the new divide into my personal space. He then commits a mortal, unforgivable and eighth official new sin by touching my thigh. He is in the wrong place at the wrong time, given my mood. I launch into him.

"Don't be an asshole. You know I'm not interested in you. How could you not get that message? How could you think for five seconds that I could possibly want to have sex with you? Look at yourself. You are a repulsion. I would never have sex with you. I don't even want to have sex with one of those guys while you are in the room and I have to look at you. I don't even want to have sex knowing that you are in the same country. You and I are not even the same species. And this, honey. This?" I am now tapping myself on the chest. "This is No Country for Odd Men. So beat it. And I mean somewhere far away."

This is why I do not like to be kept abreast of current events.

26 comments:

evilganome said...

As far as Governor Spitzer goes, I think of what Father Cronan told us in CYO, "the biggest sin is getting caught".

The B16 is just an evil old fascist and yet another reason to avoid any form of religion.

As for the toad, while not as well favoured as you, even I have had to fend off the unwelcome advances of the unwelcome and persistent. One has to wonder why they won't take no for an answer, until you are forced to be downright rude to them.

tornwordo said...

Surly in the sauna. Makes me laugh.

Anonymous said...

re: no country for old men... I think you could have probably stopped at

"How could you not get that message?"

tater said...

I do believe this is the first time I have ever heard you *snap* a bitch. It was delightful. Nothing in life is free, especially sex. We are hypocrites to a person, if we take glee in the guilty and sheepish admonitions of others. I truly hope he won't resign, even though his longterm advancement in politics just hit the platform glass heel ceiling.

Cooper said...

The present pope is so far removed from the people, that he is on a different planet. How can he possibly consider excessive wealth a deadly sin? The Vatican could have written the book on excess.

I hesitate to say this, and I wouldn't have wanted that man touching me either, but wow ... I feel a little sorry for him in the light of your words. I'll bet he felt the shame and sting of that for hours afterwards.

Mike said...

Your comments reminded me of a friend of mine who passed years ago from AIDS. He'd see an old queen and say "Isn't she dead yet?" That sums up my feelings on B-16.

As for the sauna troll, you were a bit harsh, but some guys are in such denial, they need a verbal slap in the face to bring them back to reality.

Stash said...

Oh no she didn't!

Pudenda. *shudder*

I'm NEVER going to be able to have sex with another man after reading that word.

Father Tony of the Farmboyz said...

Dear Anon, Tater, Cooper and Mike,
I was not too hard on the troll. He does this all the time. After the rebuke, he simply moved back to his original position and resumed jerking off. I think he long ago came to expect this sort of reaction. He is now impervious to it, causing everyone else pain without feeling a moment of it himself. For the health of the species, someone ought to...

TankMontreal said...

I'm just amazed you're still at it after all these years. How do you find the energy, the stamina, the desire?
Even old Tank is practically celibate these days (I know!) My hat is off to you, Mister.

Father Tony of the Farmboyz said...

Dearest TankMntrl,
Your observation interests me because really, I've become more of an observer, afraid to leave the fair entirely for fear of what is outside the tents (nothing?)

We did have our season though, you and I, didn't we? And it was great.

tater said...

In case I was unclear in my comment, I felt no pain for the sauna troll. People who are that clueless and brazen can not be dealt with politely. They tend to fish with a mile long net, undisturbed by the thousands of inconsequential "no"s, as long as they find a wriggling "yes". I have had similar encounters at the tubs, with one particularly nasty individual getting not only an earful, but also a face full of wall after he became physically aggressive with me after my second "no way".

The observer comment hits home a bit, but I am not overly concerned with leaving the tent. I am thinking that blogging has prepared me to see the many beautiful souls that have moved partially outside the physical. I am confident there will be many like minded people waiting to connect on this different plain.

I took my fun with the best of them, and will have few regrets.

Atari_Age said...

Sounds familiar. I makes what I *I* would think to be polite but clear hints of disinterest, and it's like I'm actually saying "yes, more please, I looove you're attention". ie, if a guy comes directly at me and starts rubbing my leg and I - politely, mind you - move away and change the subject, then I'm not into him... is that really hard to catch on?

Perhaps blunt is best, should I ever be in such a position again. I'd definitely go with polite, at first, because most people are understanding. But once that fails, I should seriously consider the bazooka approach!

Rey D said...

On second tought, that "poor soul" may actually get off on being verbally abused?

Dantallion said...

I think I like you. That tirade was great.

Homer said...

Why was the Pope in your sauna?

Anonymous said...

Ok, that was one of the meanest things that you could say to someone for showing an interest in you. I dont know, I like you a lot but this was not cool! Tirades like this should be saved for people who say something mean...not for people who find you attractive and cant help the way they look.
I get hit on agressively by some "trolls" but i have to stop and remind myself that they are only hitting on you...not hitting you...so be NICE!

Father Tony of the Farmboyz said...

Dear Anonymous,
Do read the post again.
It's about being in a mood less than my ordinarily genteel and tolerant one, so save the sermonizing for where it fits. Besides, that particular guy is tone deaf. There is no effective /nice way to handle him.

Guillermo said...

Bluntness may be appropriate; cruelty never is. You were a jerk who took pleasure in diminishing another human being -- and then bragged about it. I seem to remember someone being awfully offended when a guy merely rejected you and in his case it had to do with behavior (which is changeable) not looks and age which unfortunately aren't (valiant, even desperate, efforts notwithstanding).

Father Tony of the Farmboyz said...

Dear Guillermo,
Read the post again, if you would. Where does it indicate that I took any pleasure in what I said? I did not. Also, what makes you think that my account constitutes "bragging".? It doesn't. You were right about one thing: walking out of that sauna, I felt no satisfaction, but was, as you say, silently upbraiding myself for being "a jerk" in the real sense of the word: making a jerky reaction to a state of mind rather than an actual circumstance. This sort of moment has happened to me a million times and I very rarely react as I did. I think sometimes you guys respond to categoricals rather than actual posting content. You want to comment about "men who are cruel to trolls". That subject has been trod to death. This post was about my being in an irritable mood and the luckless troll who hit on me at that moment. The actual point was that in hindsight, I would not have said anything. So, since that was not clear, I'll blame two things: my writing and your reading. (I appreciate the comment.)

thomas tucker said...

How sad, and inappropriate, this invective against the Pope. Especially inapporpriate given the softness of your own life, and the later post about being flown in a private jet to Manhattan monthly.
You don't know the details of his life and what private sorrows and problems he has had to deal with.
If you disagree with his positions, do so with intelligent argument, not ad hominem attack.

Father Tony of the Farmboyz said...

Dear Thomas Tucker,

A PRIVATE jet? Clean your glasses and reread the post. And as to your "leave Brittany alone" stance about B16, I'll disagree. Anyone who sets himself up as a judgmental authority earns what comes his way in terms of criticism. The biblical Jesus wasn't anything like this man. If you are the Thomas Tucker I think you are, you know perfectly well about the softness of life I described. A softness I willingly gave up.

thomas tucker said...

Not a private jet?
Oh well, still sounds like a pretty cush job to me.
I suspect the Pope's hands are no softer than the average 81 y/o European man's, or what yours would be if you didn't visit a gym.
In any case, no, I firmly disagree with the policy of attacking a man instead of his arguments. If you can't argue persuasively against his views, or even if you can, it still doesn't advance your own argument to attack him as a person. I suspect you know that Pope Benedict personally is a very mild and gentle man, not a vindictive ogre. That caricature in the gay MSM ( and Joe's blog) is reprehensible, counter-productive, and plays to the lowest common denominator in society. It's just not worthy of an intelligent man like you.

thomas tucker said...

BTW, I went back and re-read that post. LOL- I took "private 5013c" to mean some sort of aircraft until I read it more slowly!
Maybe you could ask for a grant?

Guillermo said...

Hey it's me again. Guillermo! And lest anyone accuse me of being a humorless overly earnest unfun-loving old crank -- I'm not....so don't be barking up that tree. I wanted to acknowledge that when you said you got no enjoyment from your cruel and even violent words toward that poor soul, I abs agree. What I was really responding to (and my response to what you wrote was visceral, which is WHY I wrote - just as apparently your response to your admirer was visceral too) is not this post per se but a pattern I've noticed in previous posts where you describe unattractive men in such almost lurid terms that it seems TO ME that there is pleasure being taken in the describing and that it's being done for entertainment purposes. Now let's be clear: I would be lying if I said I never said, wrote or thought such things myself to amuse me and my friends. We all do. I enjoy your writing v much because you write --very descriptively -- about places I've been, topics that interest me and you have a gossipy interesting perspective on things that amuses me. Also, occasionally you write something that is achingly beautiful and true. But when I read one of these superior smug putdowns of another human being just trying to get by it literally turns my stomach. I don't think it's ever a good thing to humiliate another human being -- particularly someone as pathetic as he is and particularly in front of others. And while I'm sure you were in a lousy mood and we all can relate, it's no excuse. Just as his hauling off and breaking your nose when you treated him that way wouldn't be justified either, simply because he'd had a really, really bad day and THIS was just the fucking last straw. So that's my 23 cents. For what it's worth. Thanbk you for your writing and your respectful response to my comment.

Father Tony of the Farmboyz said...

Carissimo Guillermo,
Ok. I think we have come to terms. It's now clear that I was not justifying what I said to the troll, and that if I had to do it over again, as I've said, I would not have gone down that road. Something else you said interests me. Do I really describe trolls in more vivid terms than I do handsome men? I don't think so, but it's something to think about. I will still take exception to your characterization of my words as smug and superior. I am reputed to be more magnanimous than most in venues where men are more often than not pushy and driven.

Guillermo el Hombre said...

Mi comment ultimo: I don't think it's a question of comparing descriptions of beauties against descriptions of trolls. Rather what to think about (in MY opinion solamenete) is: in my description of 'trolls' and my utter repugnance toward them what AM I really saying? What's it all about Farmboyz / Perge Modo? Good day, Guapo-cito.