Thursday, July 16, 2009

The Contagious Fear of Gay Aging

My latest in the South Florida Blade

17 comments:

David said...

Loved this, and I am so pleased I was not the only one completely turned off by "The Beauty of Men."

Gah, I hated that book.

Plus, you still look fabulous, and I hate you for that.

Father Tony of the Farmboyz said...

Dear David,
I think that book is excellent. Frightening, but excellent in its depiction of a particular extreme and not uncommon neurosis.
(And thanks for saying I still got it goin on!)

Tater said...

I would tell you that you have no need to worry about such things, but you would fret anyway. The problem of aging is more acutely felt by handsome men like yourself, who have been able to pick, choose, and sample to your heart's content. The experiences you have had in your life in a single month, eclipse less genetically gifted beings' whole sex lives. There is that to be grateful for, but also a heightened sense of loss. If one isn't born with it, there is much less to mourn.

While you are on this humble topic, please keep in mind that your greatest gift lies in your ability to charm. 80 yr old T will still be talking the pants off the subjects he finds desirable.

Father Tony of the Farmboyz said...

Tater, while I thank you from the bottom of my cheekbones for the sweet words, living long enough means seeing how little value those things had. And in the future, I doubt I will see value to devoting considerable verbal effort at seduction which by nature must at least appear to be effortless.

ewe said...

It's caddy and it's shallow. I remember a very old gentleman i knew in my twenties who had a framed picture of himself in the closet of when he was a young soldier. I was SHOCKED AT HIS BEAUTY and when i dragged it out to ask him about it, i saw the same beautiful yound studley looking guy smiling back at me. He knew at an older age the real appreciation of a complement and how to genuinely acknowledge it. I personally want nothing to fucking do with tired queens, young or old. I lived in and did the "gay scene" and do not miss it. I didn't even like it when i was the cute twink that people undeservedly attempted to treat me like. Good riddance i say. Beauty is skin deep and some people have nothing beneath to warrant my friendship. And some do.

Father Tony of the Farmboyz said...

Goodness, ewe, why such bitterness? You know even good queens may sometimes become tired queens.

Tater said...

Wisdom always rearranges the things we attach importance to, but the things we may deem shallow in our later years, have composed who we have become. The events of the past are seen in a different context, The "little value" they may have had on the surface, were the little ripples which provided the deeper changes in the long run. I guess it all depends on where you are in the process, those things which may elicit dismissiveness now, may have an entirely different importance a decade from now. No?

Father Tony of the Farmboyz said...

Tater, I agree absolutely. I wouldn't erase a moment of the past.

Anonymous said...

that's the problem with these garden variety issues FT, they're too common.

respectfully,
anthony menendez

Will said...

I was never pretty, never a hunk, just a normal guy and I never tried to be other than I was and am. And men were attracted to me, I had a nicely satisfying sex life.

I am now a fully mature man who laughs at blogs where pretty boys decide trolldom begins at thirty, because I haven't had work (although I DO moisturize regularly) and I'm not trying to be other than I am. And men still seem to be attracted to me and I have an even better sex life than earlier.

Part of it may be because I was never a bar boy. I found my men elsewhere, where values were different and attitudes less judgmental.

I honestly think gay men of the mindset about which you write need to rethink the whole age thing. I'm not going to deploy the whole vintage wine thing, but the fact is that men in their 40s, 50s and 60s--even 70s, I have empirical evidence--know so much more about sex and are just more interesting when doing it than younger guys who want to get off as quickly and as often as they can.

Father Tony of the Farmboyz said...

Dear Anthony Menendez,
We need to open, at least annually, those garden variety files that contain the big issues of life, and this is one of them whether you are turning 30 or 40 or 50 or whatever those other dreadful numbers are. We are all turning something.

Father Tony of the Farmboyz said...

Dear Will,
I am quite certain I speak for those who have actually met you when I say that I can easily understand why men are attracted to the physical you.

Mark said...

Tony, once you've surfed your wave all the way to the shore, you get to take a lovely stroll on the beach!

Enjoy it!

ewe said...

FT: lol. I am not bitter. I am alive, healthy and well.

Anonymous said...

This is a tedious topic, like so many in the insular world of comfortable gay Western men of this era.

Father Tony of the Farmboyz said...

And yet, anonymous, you keep coming back here. Now that is tedious. And laughable.

Anonymous said...

If you only knew the reasons. Why I keep coming back. You're right - it is utterly laughable!