Dear Anonymous, Your comment is a delightful surprise! There are so many old jokes about how you can always spot a priest even in a bar, at the beach, at the baths etc. I would really love to hear your reasons for your opinion, but I have to tell you ahead of time that I actually really and truly am a validly ordained Roman Catholic priest who has never been suspended. Obviously, I am not currently functioning as a priest. So there you have it. I have nothing to be ashamed of. Devotedly yours, Father Tony
Your response was thoughtful and personal. My partner/spouse and I have been together for 20 years. We were married in a civil union three years back come this November. Of course there are times that the grass looks greener elsewhere. The touble is that many people seem too willing to throw away relationships. I think the troubled times, the low times (and every relationship has them) strengthen the commitment. Your correspondent seems to have already made his decision. I wish him and his former partner the best as they move on to new lives.
I'm trying to post a reply, but it won't let me. So here it is instead:
What is there to add? Father Tony has said it all. The most beautiful part is when he wrote "Be exceedingly generous with him." Please treat everybody in this situation well and what happens might surprise you.
Two weeks ago I saw my best friend's (K.) ex-husband and his current boyfriend swap K.-stories and roll their eyes at him together. It took them time to get to this point, particularly the new bf would have preferred K. to break off all contact with his ex, but I believe my friend was absolutely right in treating his ex the way he did. (At one point he refused a divorce settlement suggested by the ex's lawyer because it would leave his ex-husband with too little money.)
So I just want to send my support to "AnonyMess" (that was cheeky, Father T!) and encourage him to take it slowly, take stock, be honest with himself and treat everyone with respect. The rest will follow.
Sage advice Tony. Anonymous, T happens to be my favorite kind of Priest; one unrestrained by unyielding dogma, unfettered to dispense guidance which has real world usefulness. Perhaps if the church were to join the rest of us in the present age, they wouldn't be viewed as handwringing, superstitious queens hidden in holy drag. I'm sure their corporate coffers would be much healthier, a win win situation.
I can also vouch for the authenticity of our Father Tony. Interesting advice, Padre. Advice column work is such an imprecise science but you are facing the challenges admirably.
I've always halfway joked that a successful relationship is an equal blend of mindless adoration and bland tolerance. If he experiences only the latter in his current situation, the result is unlikely to prove satisfying, especially once one has seen an alternative.
I concur with everyone's suggestion that this is a time to treat all parties with maximum kindness, even if their actions may not merit same, but I can't bring myself to endorse the continuation of a relationship if it is truly propelled solely by inertia.
12 comments:
Good advice. You're such a caring person.
congrats on the bilerico gig - and nice job on the first two installments!
Dear Anonymous,
Your comment is a delightful surprise! There are so many old jokes about how you can always spot a priest even in a bar, at the beach, at the baths etc. I would really love to hear your reasons for your opinion, but I have to tell you ahead of time that I actually really and truly am a validly ordained Roman Catholic priest who has never been suspended. Obviously, I am not currently functioning as a priest. So there you have it. I have nothing to be ashamed of.
Devotedly yours,
Father Tony
Padre
Your response was thoughtful and personal. My partner/spouse and I have been together for 20 years. We were married in a civil union three years back come this November. Of course there are times that the grass looks greener elsewhere. The touble is that many people seem too willing to throw away relationships. I think the troubled times, the low times (and every relationship has them) strengthen the commitment. Your correspondent seems to have already made his decision. I wish him and his former partner the best as they move on to new lives.
P.S. Thanks for the book tip!!
I'm trying to post a reply, but it won't let me. So here it is instead:
What is there to add? Father Tony has said it all. The most beautiful part is when he wrote "Be exceedingly generous with him." Please treat everybody in this situation well and what happens might surprise you.
Two weeks ago I saw my best friend's (K.) ex-husband and his current boyfriend swap K.-stories and roll their eyes at him together. It took them time to get to this point, particularly the new bf would have preferred K. to break off all contact with his ex, but I believe my friend was absolutely right in treating his ex the way he did. (At one point he refused a divorce settlement suggested by the ex's lawyer because it would leave his ex-husband with too little money.)
So I just want to send my support to "AnonyMess" (that was cheeky, Father T!) and encourage him to take it slowly, take stock, be honest with himself and treat everyone with respect. The rest will follow.
You're up early! Or late?
PS. I think I managed to get it to work...
Sage advice Tony. Anonymous, T happens to be my favorite kind of Priest; one unrestrained by unyielding dogma, unfettered to dispense guidance which has real world usefulness. Perhaps if the church were to join the rest of us in the present age, they wouldn't be viewed as handwringing, superstitious queens hidden in holy drag. I'm sure their corporate coffers would be much healthier, a win win situation.
I can also vouch for the authenticity of our Father Tony. Interesting advice, Padre. Advice column work is such an imprecise science but you are facing the challenges admirably.
Good advice Anthony. But then that is no surprise! I feel I should also add my voice in setting Anonymous straight. Father Tony is indeed a priest.
Dear Evilganome,
While I appreciate your endorsement, I must split the following hair: I am in FACT a priest, but certainly not inDEED a priest, or so some say.
Your devoted Fr. T
I've always halfway joked that a successful relationship is an equal blend of mindless adoration and bland tolerance. If he experiences only the latter in his current situation, the result is unlikely to prove satisfying, especially once one has seen an alternative.
I concur with everyone's suggestion that this is a time to treat all parties with maximum kindness, even if their actions may not merit same, but I can't bring myself to endorse the continuation of a relationship if it is truly propelled solely by inertia.
Gosh, I'd be happy with a TWO year relationship, let alone 20.
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