Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Tomorrow on Bilerico: "Your Wife Already Knows Your Little Secret."

You will have to go to Bilerico after 2PM to see my response to the following:

Father Tony,

You want everyone to come out. But why? Is it because you did it and you'll feel better? Misery loves company? I am married to a wondeful smart woman. I love her. Our kids are grown and still I will never tell her I have a gay side. I made that decision way before I met her. I wanted to as you say to the gay priests "do the right thing". Why should I rip it apart now. She deserves better. This is what I chose. My bed to lie in. Why can't I be respected for this?

One of many you will never see.


Update: It's up.

12 comments:

The Neighbors Will Hear said...

Maybe that guy's tortured, but from my point of view, he's having his cake and eating it, too. And I really don't mind that, but when he also wants respect? No can do. It's like the people who care only about money and will go to any lengths to get it. They've got the money they wanted, and they can either be happy about it or not. But don't ask for my respect.

Tater said...

I can't wait to read your response to this one. I am happy to see you have gone back to a white background (despite it being after labor day). Very easy on the eyes now.

bj said...

"My bed to lie in."??? seems silly to lecture married men about their marital vows.... but he doesn't seem to have much regard for his wife. maybe she knows, suspects, whatever.... i also wonder about why would this guy go to a gay website, and ask an advise columnist for respect - truly odd, to say the least.

Father Tony of the Farmboyz said...

Dear Tater,
I changed the background color because of the difference in appearance on Mac/PC. On my Mac, the background was an appealing warm buff color, but on the PC it was a hideous yellow. I hope to find a hex# that will produce a French grey (Gainsboro grey?) that will look good on both, and provide good contrast with the font color. Help me with this!

Father Tony of the Farmboyz said...

Dear bj,
The world is full of odd. You and I need only look in the mirror to find it.

Anonymous said...

Father Tony...........I like the way the blue looks on the yellow.

Caddy Jean

kitchenbeard said...

e commenter assumes coming out makes one more miserable. Granted, once coming out there are new obstacles and work to to be done, but his assumption is that his life will be lessened for the action.

Father Tony of the Farmboyz said...

Dear Caddy Jean,
While the yellow and blue were nicely paired (as if in a soccer match), that yellow in itself wasn't subtle or intelligent or contemporary or evocative. And, I don't look good in yellow. It makes me look hepatic.

tornwordo said...

It cracks me up that the color of the blog is so INTERESTING. Are we really here for that? I'm one of those who won't notice. Anyway I really liked your answer to his letter. I was clumsy when I tried to explain to a couple of married gay guys this and caused hard feelings. It all started when they overheard me say (okay read on my blog) I thought their life of lying was a pathetic life. Your explanation is much more eloquent.

David said...

I have to say, speaking from experience (not my own) sometimes the wife doesn't know, even after 11 years. My x-bf's wife was completely stunned when he finally came out to her. She thought he was having an affair with another woman.

Tater said...

I liked your response as well. Honesty allows for self esteem, as well as the chance for the other person affected by this the ability to act in one way or another. There are so many consequences involved in the deceit, the health of his wife springing instantly to mind depending on his sexual practices. Regardless of that, she may have the ability to handle this with compassion and grace, which would provide an amazing emotional bond in their relationship which fear and deception has kept at arms length.

Sorry, but presentation is always interesting to me, color choice falls into that category. Knowing how much importance you place on aesthetics, T, prompted my acknowledgement of the change.

cb said...

Why is this guy even writing? He doesn't want to come out. He seems quite content to live a half life-- so be it.

To each his or her own.