To prepare for the DC beltway, study the chariot race scene in Ben Hur.
The South is different. Between Richmond, Virginia and Jacksonville, Florida, NPR disappears, and the dial is swamped with Jesus. Consumers are fed what they want.
The convenience store women are very fat, funny and call me honey.
In a South Carolina parking lot, I am sitting in my Smartcar, trying to keep the juices from a Wendy’s ½ pounder from dripping onto every other part of me by mashing it onto my mouth, when I look up to see a family stopping close to my windshield to take a photo of my car. I wanted very much to ask them to delete it and to let me run back inside to purchase the salad item. That would be what is expected of a Smartcar owner. It’s been several years since I had one of these burgers. Not changed a bit. I’ll eat another one in 2019.
The optical sensors on the urinals of the rest stops all along Route 95 are labeled Zurn. Probably a German manufacturer. Could it be that the blinking red dot is doing more than sensing motion? Is it recording? Would the rapid frisson of an expedient jerk-off confuse the dot into a wild flush? I think I might like to be a Zurn, with an endless stream of the traveling men of America unzipping before me. Zurns should come equipped with applause meters.