A pathologist sent me this list:
Washington Post's "Mensa Invitational" which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7.Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8.Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
"Perge modo et qua te ducit via dirige gressum," said Venus to Aeneas.
7 comments:
An annual tradition around these parts.
Number two being my personal all time favorite.
Yes, Pete, for which one takes that Sally Field endorsed medication, Boniva....
I seem to be a victim of both the Bozone layer and the Dopeler effect. It just seems to get worse as I get older too, sad to say.
This is national plagiarism week. For my first effort, I borrowed this list for my blog. If only I had waited for Pete's clarification.
The pictures I added are original, and have nothing to do with the text. G-d created the colors, and is waiting on her royalties.
18. Spilettos (n. pl.) High heels with spikes so tall that the wearer wobbles when walking.
Thank you for sharing. I needed a good laugh this morning! My favorite was number two as well, and I plan to use it with much frequency. I also liked #8, and have run into a few #6's. I am hoping to avoid reintarnation, as I have already done my time.
Actually, there isn't any "Mensa Invitational." But The Washington Post does have a wonderfully clever humor contest called The Style Invitational. And an Invitational contest from 1998 is the source of many of the neologisms in the list above. (But not all: For example, "decafalon" isn't a one-letter change from "decathlon," is it? Or "caterpallor"?)
Much better to see the the current Invitational -- every week at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. We've had more than 700 contests since the ones above! The Style Invitational is published every Sunday in The Post's Style (features) section, and every Thursday online. The contests encompass a wide variety of humor genres, from cartoon captions to song parodies, but there are neologism contests regularly as well.
Check them out at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational.
Or you can join the group "Style Invitational Devotees" on Facebook or contact me at pat.myers@washpost.com com and you'll get a link to the Invitational when it's posted every Thursday. I hope you become a regular reader and maybe even a regular entrant.
Best, Pat Myers
The Empress of The Style Invitational
The Washington Post
pat.myers@washpost.com
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