The problem with blogging is the allure of speed.
We are tempted to post without previewing our words.
We are tempted to comment everywhere and about everything, like drunken bees, like cocktail-fueled dilettanti, like shoppers who caress but do not buy.
Addicted to the sugar of any strong headline, we begin to stop conjuring, and opt for reacting to the spark of other fires.
We sell our own furniture and begin to reside in the rooms of others.
"Perge modo et qua te ducit via dirige gressum," said Venus to Aeneas.
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Monday, August 01, 2005
Central Park Proposal
This man has just proposed marriage to this woman at the Loeb Boathouse in Central Park. The waiter brought her two chocolate cupcakes iced with the words of proposal. "Will you" on one. "Marry Me" on the other. Her boyfriend got down on his knees by the table. She accepted him, and the crowd applauded.
Does one propose en publique to help insure a "yes"? Does a woman receiving a public proposal say yes for fear of creating a disturbing common memory, knowing that she can always rescind? What if she had said "This is so sweet...I'm overwhelmed. I need some time to think." the cupcakes would have tasted like vinegar. What would she have worn, if she had known in advance?
On the shore beyond the boats (you can't see it, blocked by her head) is a bride and groom having their wedding photos taken next to the Bethesda Fountain.
These two seem to be happily accepting their place in Time, while we happily accepted our third set of Ketel One Bloody Marys (Hey. We had to wait an hour for the table, OK?)
The newly engaged couple shared one cupcake, and then she explained to the waiter that she wanted to keep the second one. maybe they'll eat it on their anniversary. Maybe it'll someday be dumped with the trash, put out in front of their brownstone as we walk by on a Sunday morning, looking into the windows of other people's lives. Stats say it's a 50/50.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
The summer of 1977
David Thorstad recently wrote to David McReynolds:
David,
Your summary is accurate, based on what I have experienced.† Here's one
more anecdote:
†
In summer 1977, after the Anita Bryant antigay victory in Dade County,
Florida, New York's Gay Activists Alliance, Lesbian Feminist
Liberation, Church of the Beloved Disciple, and others organized a
protest in Sheridan Square, which continued, without a permit, some
6,000 strong, up Sixth Avenue.† I was one of the organizers, and walked
at the head of the march.† The rear saw cops in pigmobiles actually
ramming slightly marchers in the back end of the march. Around 36th
Street or so, all of a sudden, I saw†the Workers World contingent try
one of the ploys it used frequently during the antiwar movement:† As a
group, they rushed to take over the front of the march.† I yelled at
them to "Get the fuck out of here!†This is a gay march!" They did, and
moved farther back.
††† This was clearly a planned and staged effort to take over the front
of the march, presumably so their banner would be sure to be
photographed, and, misleadingly, give the impression that they were
leading the protest. They were not.
Best,
David
When I thanked David McReynolds for sharing so much gay history with us in his frequent group e-mails, he asked me if I was in that march.
In the summer of 1977, I was just back from four years in Rome. I purchased packets of Rit dye to mix in the bath tub in order to achieve the right tones of salmon, acqua and olive drab needed on my tee shirts, to offset my white painters jeans and web belts. I picked up Mark, my classmate from Oakland California, at the airport, in my brand new white MGB. I had one task left before we officially embarked on our vacation in Ptown. The next morning, I delivered a sermon entitled "Maria Goretti, Model of Virtue". We drove to Ptown with the top down, tape deck screaming. Absolutely, sweetly, blissfully nothing in our heads. We were young. We were pretty. We were precious.
I wonder what everyone else was doing that summer (C says he was at Bible Camp).
David,
Your summary is accurate, based on what I have experienced.† Here's one
more anecdote:
†
In summer 1977, after the Anita Bryant antigay victory in Dade County,
Florida, New York's Gay Activists Alliance, Lesbian Feminist
Liberation, Church of the Beloved Disciple, and others organized a
protest in Sheridan Square, which continued, without a permit, some
6,000 strong, up Sixth Avenue.† I was one of the organizers, and walked
at the head of the march.† The rear saw cops in pigmobiles actually
ramming slightly marchers in the back end of the march. Around 36th
Street or so, all of a sudden, I saw†the Workers World contingent try
one of the ploys it used frequently during the antiwar movement:† As a
group, they rushed to take over the front of the march.† I yelled at
them to "Get the fuck out of here!†This is a gay march!" They did, and
moved farther back.
††† This was clearly a planned and staged effort to take over the front
of the march, presumably so their banner would be sure to be
photographed, and, misleadingly, give the impression that they were
leading the protest. They were not.
Best,
David
When I thanked David McReynolds for sharing so much gay history with us in his frequent group e-mails, he asked me if I was in that march.
In the summer of 1977, I was just back from four years in Rome. I purchased packets of Rit dye to mix in the bath tub in order to achieve the right tones of salmon, acqua and olive drab needed on my tee shirts, to offset my white painters jeans and web belts. I picked up Mark, my classmate from Oakland California, at the airport, in my brand new white MGB. I had one task left before we officially embarked on our vacation in Ptown. The next morning, I delivered a sermon entitled "Maria Goretti, Model of Virtue". We drove to Ptown with the top down, tape deck screaming. Absolutely, sweetly, blissfully nothing in our heads. We were young. We were pretty. We were precious.
I wonder what everyone else was doing that summer (C says he was at Bible Camp).
Monday, July 18, 2005
C in Exit Art
I get dragged by C to so many galleries when what I really want to do is take a nap, but they are inevitably engaging, as was this installation at Exit Art (475 Tenth Avenue). The artist invited participation, so C entered into it and I held the camera. His shirt clashed with the orange flooring, so I asked for its removal. (The director of the gallery, Jeanette Ingberman has great and copious hair.)
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
bulging with Pride
This lady cop was such a good sport. The guy with the matching body walked the whole length of the parade with a flag in his ass. Something to tell his grandchildren.
???
We are at the NYC Pride parade. This creature and his comrades are pushing the envelope of post-modern demonstration in which symbols are drained of meaning, and all that remains is a vague desire for liposuction or heatstroke.
homocorps @ CBGB
We attended the final edition of Dean Johnson's Homocorps @ CBGB on NYC Pride weekend. We had to see the bathroom one more time before they close this place. We are accompanied by a blogger in a yellow jock. He's on my blog roll. Guess which one.
Doing my part
OK. This is to the reader in the Pentagon who goes from here to Joe.My.God:
I am available as a consultant to your organization. I specialize in the design, installation and management of permanent and/or temporary shower room facilities for the military. Because I am patriotic, I offer this service for free and am willing to share lodging with my clients. Please e-mail me (farmboyz@mac.com) for a brochure that includes my recently patented and popular soap dispenser which is wall-mounted just two inches above the shower room floor. Very ADA compliant.
Also, while Joe and I are glad to keep your Pentagonal workdays lively, we are not sure whether your attention will land us in the Lincoln bedroom or a federal pen.
(I know the Lincoln bedroom is not in the Pentagon, but maybe he's got connegshuns.)
I am available as a consultant to your organization. I specialize in the design, installation and management of permanent and/or temporary shower room facilities for the military. Because I am patriotic, I offer this service for free and am willing to share lodging with my clients. Please e-mail me (farmboyz@mac.com) for a brochure that includes my recently patented and popular soap dispenser which is wall-mounted just two inches above the shower room floor. Very ADA compliant.
Also, while Joe and I are glad to keep your Pentagonal workdays lively, we are not sure whether your attention will land us in the Lincoln bedroom or a federal pen.
(I know the Lincoln bedroom is not in the Pentagon, but maybe he's got connegshuns.)
Monday, June 20, 2005
folsommmm
We ran into a friend, Enrico Vega (left). He has graduated from starring in porn to making his own movies. He introduced us to Manuel Torres (right) who is the man of the moment on video. Manny, a nurse aspirant, spoke of the evisceration of fantasy that comes with sexual achievement, a topic close to my heart. He's likable, and C, who turned into Gidget at the sight of him, finds him quite doable. OK, so do I. He's rather an Hispanic George Clooney. (The guy in the middle looks so familiar. I think he blogs. I don't have his name.)
folsomadonna
We stood behind this man in the line to get into the Eagle. His ink was problematic. I tapped him on Mary's forehead. "Excuse me, but weren't there seven swords of sorrow that pierced the heart of the Madonna? There's only six here."
He smiled. "The last one is somewhere else on me."
folsomummy
We went to Folsom Street East on Sunday (West 28th St). Great fun, but there were moments when we visited some of the far outposts of the gay family where dwell folks with whom we have little in common.
Monday, June 13, 2005
We love our Harry
Harry sends us email like no others. We miss him. He's long since left these parts for San Francisco, where he moved in with an ex-Colt model and really nice guy with whom he has formed a new life.
I met Harry several years ago in the Macho bar in Provincetown at the height of peak season. C was in NYC for a few days, and I, left to my own devices, was out for Montage. (Sorry, I'll define that sometime in the future). The place was a testosteroom of hot shirtless desire. Harry stood in the front rank of the standing-beer-armed soldiers. His smoldering hispanic looks caught my eye immediately. We fell into each other and for nearly an hour and a half, made-out cinematically (think of Moulin Rouge. We must have looked hot. The next day, friends and strangers complimented me on our display and the provoked envy). We ended up back at my house and slightly before dawn, Harry left.
Six hours later, when I awoke, he was sitting on a chair by the bed.
This was odd. I never locked the doors in Ptown, but I have never had a trick return that soon, and without the usual mechanisms of invitation and response. He had made coffee in the kitchen, and despairing over my possible resolution to sleep out the entire day, was writing me a long note while he sat by the bed.
I reached over and snatched the note from his hands and read it aloud. That was my first experience of Harry's tendency to write beautifully long, elaborate and fearless notes. Harry doesn't need to edit himself because his instincts (trained by an earlier career in theater) are perfect. Here is his latest to us, written after he read the Spes Messis in Semine series: (Oh , and Harry, I still have that first note, and C sends his love, and we are hoping you guys will come east soon. We'll be staying with Bob and Peter during Carnivale week in Ptown. Game?)
from Harry:
Dearest _____ - - I was compelled to write after reading some of your entries on life in the seminary. Needless to say, it triggered long forgotten memories - (cue background pipe organ music and a filtered lense montage accompanied by chords from a distant harp...) from a lifetime ago. I was overwhelmed by one particular occasion - a memory stemming from the sensation of a stiff and bleached white collar fastened tightly by the gaudiest of red faux bow ties. I remember how the collar chaffed against my neck, almost unbearable in the summer heat. Beads of sweat rolled down my back forming tiny rivulets hidden under the bulky weight of red and white vestments. Normally they would flow and billow in a passing breeze but that day they were still as if wilted under the heat. Sweat ran down my shoulders and arms, down to my wrist. In my grip dangled a gold plated censer swinging lazily from a taunt, discolored chain. Faint white smoke floated in delicate spirals from cross shaped holes and at times was obsured by the beams of colored sunlight shooting through stained glass. The droning organ music, combined with the humidity and my nervous energy, made it impossible to focus. I was nervous. This was my first time and I wondered how it would go. Contemplating the growing number of possibilities, I managed to turn my attention down the aisle without drawing any focus on myself. I looked past the rows of pews filled with my classmates and the rest of the school, just beyond the Sixth Station of the Cross near the confessionals. There he was. He stepped into his ensemble with methodical percision. It seemed as if he was visible only to me. The door was opened part of the way but he was framed perfectly against the dark word paneling. Even from my vantage point I see how he would tower over me, he was well over 6 feet with the lanky legs of a basketball player and the visage of an early Chuck Conners (sans the deranged stare and, sadly, sans a shirtless, hemp rope bound William Conrad in tow). He was younger than most clergymen I had seen and an affable man whose hearty laugh and kind eyes endeared the hardest of hearts. There had been rumors he was married at one time which wasn't hard to believe. Even under the bulk of his cassock and vestments, you could still follow the contour of his large body, the fabric hugging and draping the rise and fall of his generous chest, the curve of his back. He had the figure of the ideal woodsman, broad shouldered with arms that yearned to burst from his shirt sleeves, with tufts of dark hair peeking through his short sleeves giving him a hint of primal energy. He moved with equal grace and precision despite his long legs. On the warm days when he was not dressed for mass, I would look forward to seeing him in his summer blacks. There was the aforementioned short sleeve shirt framing his handsome upper body but it was his pants which were the highlight of my midday treat. His pants could barely contain the two physical attributes which forever cemented the memovy of Father Rock: his thighs had the girth of tree trunks and he was blessed with an outline of a bulge so prominent one could safely conclude he was gifted with a prodigious endowment. puffing slowly, intently on last time before he would have to extinguish his treasure stogie. I saw his ice baby blues narrow behind his gold rimmed aviator sunglasses, his fat cigar jutting from his supple lips. Was he grinning? I couldn't tell without leaning forward and squinting and inevitably draw attention to me. He finished slipping into his knee high black boots (...just buffed and polished by Sister Agathe Ignacia - a gargoyle of a woman but a fierce boot black) and he was threading the final strap of his harness. The final touch to this exercise was the captain's hat which sat with the slight tilt, his chestnut mane concealed in favor of the stark conformity of worn leather, dulled chains and his exposed skin. Draped arms that welcomed congregants to prayer on Sunday were now a visceral display of long milkly white arms and even from I stood I see the biceps flex and release as he slipped on the gloves. Gone was the crucifix. Now there rested a metallic ring anchoring the harness and framing his sternum. And there were his chest, defined even in partial light The cindered glow grew brighter as he turned and he beckoned me closer with a gloved hand. Commandant Rock was ready. He picked up a riding crop as I began my slow approach. My throat was dry and yet I managed to swallow. Still nervous. On that day "Make me channel of your peace" lost its hallowed earnestness and took on a more sinister application...
I met Harry several years ago in the Macho bar in Provincetown at the height of peak season. C was in NYC for a few days, and I, left to my own devices, was out for Montage. (Sorry, I'll define that sometime in the future). The place was a testosteroom of hot shirtless desire. Harry stood in the front rank of the standing-beer-armed soldiers. His smoldering hispanic looks caught my eye immediately. We fell into each other and for nearly an hour and a half, made-out cinematically (think of Moulin Rouge. We must have looked hot. The next day, friends and strangers complimented me on our display and the provoked envy). We ended up back at my house and slightly before dawn, Harry left.
Six hours later, when I awoke, he was sitting on a chair by the bed.
This was odd. I never locked the doors in Ptown, but I have never had a trick return that soon, and without the usual mechanisms of invitation and response. He had made coffee in the kitchen, and despairing over my possible resolution to sleep out the entire day, was writing me a long note while he sat by the bed.
I reached over and snatched the note from his hands and read it aloud. That was my first experience of Harry's tendency to write beautifully long, elaborate and fearless notes. Harry doesn't need to edit himself because his instincts (trained by an earlier career in theater) are perfect. Here is his latest to us, written after he read the Spes Messis in Semine series: (Oh , and Harry, I still have that first note, and C sends his love, and we are hoping you guys will come east soon. We'll be staying with Bob and Peter during Carnivale week in Ptown. Game?)
from Harry:
Dearest _____ - - I was compelled to write after reading some of your entries on life in the seminary. Needless to say, it triggered long forgotten memories - (cue background pipe organ music and a filtered lense montage accompanied by chords from a distant harp...) from a lifetime ago. I was overwhelmed by one particular occasion - a memory stemming from the sensation of a stiff and bleached white collar fastened tightly by the gaudiest of red faux bow ties. I remember how the collar chaffed against my neck, almost unbearable in the summer heat. Beads of sweat rolled down my back forming tiny rivulets hidden under the bulky weight of red and white vestments. Normally they would flow and billow in a passing breeze but that day they were still as if wilted under the heat. Sweat ran down my shoulders and arms, down to my wrist. In my grip dangled a gold plated censer swinging lazily from a taunt, discolored chain. Faint white smoke floated in delicate spirals from cross shaped holes and at times was obsured by the beams of colored sunlight shooting through stained glass. The droning organ music, combined with the humidity and my nervous energy, made it impossible to focus. I was nervous. This was my first time and I wondered how it would go. Contemplating the growing number of possibilities, I managed to turn my attention down the aisle without drawing any focus on myself. I looked past the rows of pews filled with my classmates and the rest of the school, just beyond the Sixth Station of the Cross near the confessionals. There he was. He stepped into his ensemble with methodical percision. It seemed as if he was visible only to me. The door was opened part of the way but he was framed perfectly against the dark word paneling. Even from my vantage point I see how he would tower over me, he was well over 6 feet with the lanky legs of a basketball player and the visage of an early Chuck Conners (sans the deranged stare and, sadly, sans a shirtless, hemp rope bound William Conrad in tow). He was younger than most clergymen I had seen and an affable man whose hearty laugh and kind eyes endeared the hardest of hearts. There had been rumors he was married at one time which wasn't hard to believe. Even under the bulk of his cassock and vestments, you could still follow the contour of his large body, the fabric hugging and draping the rise and fall of his generous chest, the curve of his back. He had the figure of the ideal woodsman, broad shouldered with arms that yearned to burst from his shirt sleeves, with tufts of dark hair peeking through his short sleeves giving him a hint of primal energy. He moved with equal grace and precision despite his long legs. On the warm days when he was not dressed for mass, I would look forward to seeing him in his summer blacks. There was the aforementioned short sleeve shirt framing his handsome upper body but it was his pants which were the highlight of my midday treat. His pants could barely contain the two physical attributes which forever cemented the memovy of Father Rock: his thighs had the girth of tree trunks and he was blessed with an outline of a bulge so prominent one could safely conclude he was gifted with a prodigious endowment. puffing slowly, intently on last time before he would have to extinguish his treasure stogie. I saw his ice baby blues narrow behind his gold rimmed aviator sunglasses, his fat cigar jutting from his supple lips. Was he grinning? I couldn't tell without leaning forward and squinting and inevitably draw attention to me. He finished slipping into his knee high black boots (...just buffed and polished by Sister Agathe Ignacia - a gargoyle of a woman but a fierce boot black) and he was threading the final strap of his harness. The final touch to this exercise was the captain's hat which sat with the slight tilt, his chestnut mane concealed in favor of the stark conformity of worn leather, dulled chains and his exposed skin. Draped arms that welcomed congregants to prayer on Sunday were now a visceral display of long milkly white arms and even from I stood I see the biceps flex and release as he slipped on the gloves. Gone was the crucifix. Now there rested a metallic ring anchoring the harness and framing his sternum. And there were his chest, defined even in partial light The cindered glow grew brighter as he turned and he beckoned me closer with a gloved hand. Commandant Rock was ready. He picked up a riding crop as I began my slow approach. My throat was dry and yet I managed to swallow. Still nervous. On that day "Make me channel of your peace" lost its hallowed earnestness and took on a more sinister application...
Thursday, June 02, 2005
An unknown soldier
Would the soldier (you're in Bagdad or maybe Moscow judging by the time zone marker) who daily reads this blog and then goes to Joe.My.God. please email me. I have so many questions. farmboyz@mac.com
Sunday, May 29, 2005
diversion
Because several clergy friends are privately conveying their admission about following the Spes Messis in Semine business, I'm going to take a few days to edit the next parts for accuracy.
Meanwhile, here's part one of "You Again" which announced itself after I got in at 5AM Saturday. PS, having entered "one of those places" in midtown, I walked past a rack of videos, one of which caught my eye. It was entitled "That Touch of Twink". This put a winning smile on my face as I passed through the turnstile.
Meanwhile, here's part one of "You Again" which announced itself after I got in at 5AM Saturday. PS, having entered "one of those places" in midtown, I walked past a rack of videos, one of which caught my eye. It was entitled "That Touch of Twink". This put a winning smile on my face as I passed through the turnstile.
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Thursday, May 12, 2005
seminary
When we walk out onto our deck at dawn before work, or at dusk when we return, this is part of the generous panorama that will make it hard for us to abandon this spot, this home of ours, built from scratch a few years back. This picture does not include the city skyline, or the old farm silos or the ancient cemetery or the village of homes just below us, but it does show you the Gothic tower of the seminary in which I lived for six years, on the edge of a valley cut by what the Indians called "the long tidal river". I was a little boy. All of fourteen. Ready for anything that would take me away. Story to follow.
Monday, May 09, 2005
Come sono caduto in baso
We drive into the city listening to Tears for Fears' Beatlesian "Sowing the Seeds of Love". The song ran itself onto a sandbar just beneath my forehead for the rest of the night. As we walked into Barrage, the bridge was on continuous loop: "Time to eat all your words, swallow your pride, open your eyes". Rather appropriate for an event built around words, and the seeing of the guys behind them. (God, will I ever be free of this homiletic style?)
In somma, if I were a single gay man looking for a boyfriend, Ida bin at Barrage on Friday night to dive into a fine combination of brain and brawn. As a five star yenta, that'll be my best advice from now on. Husband hunters should read blog, follow what fits and then stalk the hell out of a love object.
Really, I wanted only to dispel the rumor that Perge Modo is written by the retired big band singer Margaret Whiting, propped up on a Florida-based sofa, and transcribing snippets of letters left behind by her deceased husband, porn star Jack Wrangler. (If you check out Joe's blue-light-special photos of the event, you can see quite plainly that this blog is written by Rasputin and Alice B. Toklas. Seriously, I love that photo of C and me.)
We got to meet and touch the steamy Tolkienesque Aaron, the Watch-out-Bruce-Vilanch hot Joe, the velvet BJ (whom we have already touched many times in the icky way) the dewy and alluringly handsome Myoclonus and that very bad boy from Philadelphia with whom I re-enacted in the bathroom the steamroom scene from Thunderball. He's the hottest, cuttest, sweettest, and I'm-sure-to-never-hear-from-him-again-ist guy in this hemisphere. Oh well, I don't think anyone was damaged. The band width of the attendees didn't really allow for damage; only for celebration.
Aside: the guys who kept their jackets on were the non-bloggers. One of them, a short lean guy who turned out to be Pakistani (who should have been resting up for a run at Belmont) and spun out some tale about only being Out for a few months, was deliberately not helpful when my hand got stuck beyond his waistband. He had the enviable ability to keep his dick hard while conversing about housewares. There. I used the word "dick" in this post just to play to the person who told me that my blog is "borderline porn". That was the only surprising moment of the night. I don't remember who said it. I don't watch or read much porn. My stuff is more of an effort to record what no one else is willing even to discuss, like the fact of sex with married guys at the gym. I never think of it in terms of titillation. I plan to think more about that. But who has time? They have introduced hanging plastic dividers at Siberia on Saturdays. It was only a matter of time. I surrender to the venues of my age.
In somma, if I were a single gay man looking for a boyfriend, Ida bin at Barrage on Friday night to dive into a fine combination of brain and brawn. As a five star yenta, that'll be my best advice from now on. Husband hunters should read blog, follow what fits and then stalk the hell out of a love object.
Really, I wanted only to dispel the rumor that Perge Modo is written by the retired big band singer Margaret Whiting, propped up on a Florida-based sofa, and transcribing snippets of letters left behind by her deceased husband, porn star Jack Wrangler. (If you check out Joe's blue-light-special photos of the event, you can see quite plainly that this blog is written by Rasputin and Alice B. Toklas. Seriously, I love that photo of C and me.)
We got to meet and touch the steamy Tolkienesque Aaron, the Watch-out-Bruce-Vilanch hot Joe, the velvet BJ (whom we have already touched many times in the icky way) the dewy and alluringly handsome Myoclonus and that very bad boy from Philadelphia with whom I re-enacted in the bathroom the steamroom scene from Thunderball. He's the hottest, cuttest, sweettest, and I'm-sure-to-never-hear-from-him-again-ist guy in this hemisphere. Oh well, I don't think anyone was damaged. The band width of the attendees didn't really allow for damage; only for celebration.
Aside: the guys who kept their jackets on were the non-bloggers. One of them, a short lean guy who turned out to be Pakistani (who should have been resting up for a run at Belmont) and spun out some tale about only being Out for a few months, was deliberately not helpful when my hand got stuck beyond his waistband. He had the enviable ability to keep his dick hard while conversing about housewares. There. I used the word "dick" in this post just to play to the person who told me that my blog is "borderline porn". That was the only surprising moment of the night. I don't remember who said it. I don't watch or read much porn. My stuff is more of an effort to record what no one else is willing even to discuss, like the fact of sex with married guys at the gym. I never think of it in terms of titillation. I plan to think more about that. But who has time? They have introduced hanging plastic dividers at Siberia on Saturdays. It was only a matter of time. I surrender to the venues of my age.
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