Monday, December 03, 2007

Holding On.

The way I see it, we are, each of us, dumped from the Titanic of our births into icy waters. We survive instinctively by clinging to what is nearby, some luckier than others by circumstance, some by strength, and still others by cold-blooded gumption.

I am among those who, while awaiting rescue, trade up to better debris. In childhood, I was supported by careless teachers, unhappy parents, and the lonely respite of the public library. As a young adult, I enjoyed the comfortable floatation of the Church, pulling at my oar half-heartedly while snickering quietly at the drama of my voice. When the dark and starless skies let me know that I was making circles, I took a dive into the passing ship of State, making myself useful dispensing the sterilities of mapless government.

In my early days of safety, I saw many people drown, and secretly I wished to know the foam of the waves that overcame them.

I watch others tread water for the length of their lives, using curious tools to stay above its surface. The morphine of religion. The aquarium of wealth. The fanning gills of sex. The antifreeze of drink. Their sharks never seemed much to care for me, though I would have been easy prey.

Imagine my surprise twenty-four years ago when someone passing took hold of me and pulled himself up and into the listing vessel of my life. Turned about in winter, I felt warmth for the first time. Good and playful work. An ease of course through dire straits. Laughter in the clearing of the drain.

To him I make these words. Happy anniversary, you with your charts and signs and sense of direction. Do not argue with me when I set love between the stem and stern of us and say now we will go this way or that. Hold fast, and sing with me when there is music in the wind. I feel good currents beneath us. Portage to those sunny islands. Soon.


R J Keefe said...

Happy Anniversary!

Lovely card! Here's to trading up - up to a point!

Anonymous said...

That was hopelessly romantic and very sweet. That I can fully recognize myself in those words, and want to run home and hug my own life preserver, elevates it to damn fine writing. You and C are blessed. Happy Anniverary!

evilganome said...

Happy Anniversary. Here's to many years of smooth sailing ahead.

Anonymous said...

What a nice's to many more for the two of you. Congratulations.

PS: Now that you have more time to yourself, it's nice to see how frequently you're posting. Thanks

Gavin said...

Happy Anniversary!

Anonymous said...

Big hugs and all our best wishes to the two of you from the two of us!

Anonymous said...

You and your delicious writing... who wouldn't want to rock in a boat with you with effortless stories like that?

Happy anniversary. Mazel Tov.

Madison, WI

Anonymous said...

Happy anniversary to a wonderful Spirit filled couple who so many of us envy. walter aka sonnywilton

dpaste said...

24 years.

Pardon me while I stick my head in the oven.

Happy anniversary, guys. Much love to you.

tornwordo said...

A lovely tribute. Happy Anniversary!

mr. v said...

I was wondering where that metaphor was going to take us & it turned out to be a beautiful place. Thank you!

Mike said...

Happy Anniversary, and many more happy years together!

more cowbell said...

At the risk of sounding terribly cliche, that was really beautiful.

elteegee said...

Salud, farmboyz. You go.

Your ever loyal LTG/ltilz

Patrick said...

Happy Anniversary! I'm sure those 24 years weren't always a picnic, but this love note makes clear that you two have created something enduring and beautiful.

BigAssBelle said...

that was absolutely beautiful. what a testament to love. i found my own great love standing in the closing ring of an AA meeting 17 years ago. you just never know and isn't that delightful?

it isn't politically correct to speak of the possibility of finding salvation in love. we're all supposed to be self determining, independent souls, always meeting our own needs with nary a moment's attention paid to that little ache inside that whispers "where is my soulmate?"

those are certainly good qualities and are necessary, to a degree, in any relationship. but when genuine, true, honest love happens, it transcends anything else. i may be a romantic in thinking that mike and i are better as a couple than either of us were individually, but it's true nonetheless and i suspect so for you as well.

here's to romance and comfort and warmth and safe harbor. congratulations, both of you, on 24 years.

Cooper said...

Happy Anniversary to you and C! Thank you for sharing something of the love which shapes you like a fire .. of hearts that beat something of the same measure ... of courage and fun and grace.

Anonymous said...

Happy Anniversary!

Anonymous said...

I don't know either of you but your Anniversary posting truly moved me. My Matthew and I have just started our fifth year together. Hope ours is as happy as yours seems.


JB said...

That was lovely and inspiring. Thanks and congratulations!

Joe said...

That was really beautifully written.


Jake said...

I found my love standing awkwardly at the bottom of a staircase while a big gay summer brunch swirled around him. Within an hour we'd started agreeing on songs we wanted sung at our wedding. It's been only a year and three months since then, and the closest we've gotten to our wedding is an exchanging of engagement rings. But I intend to be drowning him in equally mushy nautical metaphors for decades to come.

I'm glad you two have round the same happiness we have. Many, many congratulations.

Paul said...



Paul said...

What a beautiful post! Happy Anniversary!

curly mcdimple said...

Congratulations, Farmboyz! I hope to one day know such longevity but I can only dream about expressing it as beautifully as you did.

Happy Anniversary!
Curly :)

Anonymous said...

I occasionally lurk here and thought I'd offer my congratulations on your 24 years together.
May the coming years be filled with happiness, joy and love.

Anonymous said...

On a cold night
With an amazing comforter
To hold me and warm me

In a quiet still
With a cat at my side
To stir me and purr me

Near purchased possessions
With all personally relevant
To fill thoughts and rouse dreams

Through ready eyes
With their search unceasing
Your words remind me of something elusive

Thanks for reminding me.

OMO said...

Such eloquence, as always. We have come to expect nothing less.

Happy Anniversary to you both. Long may your vessel be carried by gently currents to warm and sunny shores.

Michael said...

Wonderful post! Congrats on finding someone and making it work!

Stash said...

Happy Anniversary!

I almost cried during the "wedding" last night.

Anonymous said...

Much aloha to the two of you. What a beautiful post - what delicious writing! Each word was like the most exquisite chocolate I know.

Thanks for your mention of the public library - I am a librarian, and time and again people I meet or read talk about how important it was in their youth and in their adulthood.

May you have many more years together.

I gotta go get a tissue now - Joe was right! :o)

Kevin Roddy
Honolulu, O'ahu

Will said...

Happy Anniversary and my best for a lifetime of others far into the future.

Anonymous said...

That has to be one of the best sentiments I've read on a blog in forever. Perhaps because I can totally relate to the writing.

Congratulations to you both and thank you for those beautiful words.

Anonymous said...

That was lovely - touching and delightfully sentimental. Watching the two of you at that brunch in Provincetown (oh, what was it, 6 years ago now?) I could see great respect for each other.

Happy Happy Anniversary to you!

Anonymous said...



I cannot tell my story. Forty years later. I did not do what others did. And any mention of time, place or person would crush my fragile secret.
I left in anger and confusion. And five years ago, through the wonders of electronics, located and wrote to my lost self.
To one and all, Time is a ravager if nothing else.
But in the time it takes to cross the country, we will meet again.
I hope he will understand.