I’m making a bit of a detour on Bilerico this week to comment (with owner’s permission) on an irresistible post I read at a blog called Naked Boy Chronicles
Here’s the post abbreviated:
I have a problem letting go
I did not see the Boif this trip around.
He was insistent on seeing me and I asked him to please respect my wishes and leave me alone. I told him I was not ready yet, I am still hurt over his leaving me. So he respected my wishes and left me alone.
I just felt that seeing him would bring me down simply because he had to leave again. It was like giving someone a gift and then snatching it away. I didn't want to set myself up for that.
I felt it would be a case of him mocking me and showing off and him telling me about his wonderful life now and how he has everything now and how he never had anything here. He should read all the earlier blog posts, he had everything here: Love, respect and all my possessions and money. But mostly love.
He actually told me on the phone one time that he had nothing here and that's why he left. He said I had everything and he had nothing. Can you imagine how that made me feel? Nothing? I thought I was something.
I thought I gave him everything -- especially unconditional love. I used to joke about him leaving me and tell him that no one would take him and that after five minutes of him, they would return him. And I loved the thought. The thought of him being mine forever and always returning to me.
My problem is I get attached to people and make them family. I don't have one of those weird families that quarrel. I have a big Italian family. We outright yell, scream and go crazy and in five minutes, it's all over as if nothing happened. He and I were like that, we argued all the time, but never held a grudge.
I am not used to giving up on family members and just having them out of my life. I don't live like that. He is like family to me. I can't get over that he is gone. That's my problem. I can't let go.