Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Tomorrow on Bilerico: "He's in love with a GRAMP! (Gay, Rich, Alone, Middle-aged, Positive)"

You'll have to go to Bilerico tomorrow after 10:30AM to see my response to the following:

Dear FT,

How can I convince an older man that he should take a chance on me?

Him: 56. HIV positive. Hot. Healthy as can be expected. Rich.
Me: 24. Cute. Negative. Hard working.

He says things to me like "Run the other way. You have your whole life ahead of you. Find someone who you can build a life with." He is the man I love. The one I always knew I would meet. I know he feels strongly for me but won't let himself go with it. He tells his friends and they tell me that he thinks he loves me but would not wish himself on me or anyone else like me. He won't have sex with anyone who is negative. I'm not winning this battle. My friends tell me to give up on him but I can't. How do I win him over?


Update: It's up. Get on it.


Jeremiah Andrews said...

Wow that's a really good question. But first... There is an age disparity. that might be one strike. One too young - one a little old, it might make for bad bed fellows. Been there done that myself. Not good, it didn't last. They are a generation apart.

Secondly, the sero discordant issue, he won't have sex with a Neg. That's a personal choice OR a personal fear. He would not wish himself on anyone, do I detect a little self loathing or internalized negativity from that statement?

He should know better but each has their own way of dealing with sero discordancy. (I am hiv+ 15+ years)

You know if he really loves him, then he will take the time and do the leg work - time, patience and dating until both are comfortable crossing the line of relationship.

The Poz man, though he is rich, has some issues, I can see from this post. If he doesn't deal with those issues internally, he will never love anyone that isn't poz or like himself.

If older rich man can't get past his crutches and issues than the young man has no chance of breaking through the wall of negative self loathing. It has to come from rich man, young man isn't going to change him, only he can.

I still stick with the age disparity. a 24 year old might have more going on in his life like partying and going out when the older man may be a home body and much more settled. I'd look at all the issues in order as they were written.

OLD POZ men are very particular about who they date and why and who they have sex with. I know I am an older man with HIV, thank god I am married now and don't have to deal with that any more. and My hubby is neg... we never really had a sero-discordancy problem even from the outset of our relationship.

Best wishes to our young man.

Jeremy in Montreal

Stash said...

Now you've got my curiosity piqued.

I do wish you'd write more on this topic (not necessarily re Stubborn) but on the various sub-topics of HIV, old[er] gay men, the generation divide and related issues.

Forgive me if you have, maybe it is that I don't notice these things much.

In 4 months, 20 days I will be 39 and six years poz. Tempus fugit, doesn't it?

Tony Adams said...

Dear Jeremiah,

Love is never sensible.

Spouse Walker said...

oh please, introduce the guy to me. For goodness sake, the kid has no idea and worse, he refuses to listen to someone who does. The fact is that the more mature guy is keen enough to not invest the time into a younger guy who will one day tire of somethin for somethin else. Get a grip teenybopper, it's not about you.